A Melly Story: Changing Seasons

Melly and her mother hung wet clothes on the rope Grandpa had tied between two trees. Each week they would take the clothes to the river and scrub them clean. Then they'd return to the house and hang them on the line and let them dry in the summer heat. When it became cold and wet out, they dried them in front of the fire. This summer day was quite hot. Melly wiped sweat from her face as they worked.

"Why does it get so hot in the summer and stay cold in the winter?" she asked her mother.

"It is caused by the changing seasons," her mother replied. "You know that."

"But why do the seasons change?" Melly asked.

"That is a good question," her mother replied. "Tonight, why don't you ask Grandpa to tell the story of the little brown fairy. It was my favorite as a girl and I think it will help answer your question."

"Alright," Melly agreed. She couldn't wait for the evening to come, but there were still other chores and many hours before then. Having something to look forward to would help pass the time.

That evening, Grandpa sat on his favorite brown chair that stood next to the fireplace. Melly sat down on the stool next to him.

"Grandpa," she said looking up at him, "Will you tell me the story of the Little Brown Fairy."

"The Story of the Little Brown Fairy, eh?" He looked up with a twinkle in his eye at her mother, who was cleaning of the table. "Well, all right child, here it is. Once upon a time there lived a little brown fairy. She tried her hardest to help with all the fairy tasks, but her small size often made it impossible for her to do them. One day she sat on a mushroom out in the forest. Tears pooled in her eyes as she thought about all the things she could not do. She couldn't stack the acorns, she couldn't wash the dye tubs, she couldn't lift the baby birds. She couldn't even carry a tray of fairy treats. She felt useless. As she sat there another fairy, a blue fairy, came up to her. 'Why are you so glum?' the blue fairy asked. The little brown fairy explained about all the things she couldn't do because of her size."

"Grandpa," Melly interrupted. I like this story, but what does it have to do with seasons?"

"Patience, my child," he replied. "Patience."

"Melly," her mother remonstrated. "You know it's not polite to interrupt."

"Sorry," Melly said to her mother. "Sorry, Grandpa."

"You're forgiven," he replied. "Would you like me to continue the story? Or do you want to go to bed," he teased

"Continue the story please," Melly replied.

"Well, what do you think the blue fairy said when the little brown fairy told her all the things she couldn't do?" he paused. "She said, 'I'm sure there are plenty of things you can do, probably even things bigger fairies like me can't do.' This thought helped cheer up the little brown fairy. But what were the things she could do? She and the blue fairy sat trying to thing about what the little brown fairy could do. As they sat the shadows began to lengthen. They decided to think about it overnight and meet at the same mushroom the next day at noon to discuss their ideas. So, they went their separate ways. The blue fairy to her home near the river and the little brown fairy to her hut at the base of a beautiful silver maple. That night she listened as the wind rustled through the leaves. She thought about all the different fairy jobs. Some gathered seeds, some planted seeds, some painted leaves, other cleaned the forest floor. Some cooked delicious food, others built beautiful homes. Some worked with water, others with sunshine. The Little Brown fairy fell asleep considering what job might be perfect for her."

"I didn't know fairies did so many things," Melly said.

"There are many things they do," her grandfather agreed. "But do you know what their most important job is?"

Melly shook her head.

"They help change the seasons," he replied.

"But why are there seasons?" Melly asked.

"Wait and you'll see," Grandpa replied. "Well, the next day the two fairies met back at the mushroom. 'Did you think of anything' the blue fairy asked. The little brown fairy shook her head 'no.' 'Well, I did.' The blue fairy was positively bouncing. 'What?' the little brown fairy asked. 'You can help direct the changing of seasons!' the blue fairy replied. 'How would I do that?' the little brown fairy asked. 'It's really quite perfect,' the blue fairy continued. 'But what would I do?' The little brown fairy had not heard of this job before. This time the blue fairy heard her. 'Haven't you heard of the season changers?' the blue fairy asked. The little brown fairy shook her head 'no.' 'Oh. Well, you know how the seasons change every few months?' The little brown fairy nodded. 'Well, fairy's direct the changing of seasons. They make sure the sun warms the plants, the rain nourishes them and helps them grow during the warm months. But, they keep track of when it's time for the plants to die or sleep. Plants need time to rest, you know. And the changing of seasons gives them that chance. Plus it adds variety to life."

"Oh I see," Melly said. "Know I understand why seasons change."

"Yes," her grandfather nodded. "But are tale is not yet finished."

"Please keep telling it," Melly said.

"Well, after the the blue fairy had explained all about the changing of the seasons, the little brown fairy still wasn't sure what she'd do to help direct the changing of the seasons. She told the blue fairy so. 'Oh, it's quite obvious,' the blue fairy said. 'You could tell the plants when it's time to go to sleep for the winter. Since you're brown and small you could easily flit to many of the plants without being seen by a predator. You could whisper to each of them when it was time to grow and when it was time to sleep. It's perfect!' The little brown fairy was still dubious, but willing to give it a try. The blue fairy explained that her cousin helped direct the changing of the seasons--her cousin warned the water when it would get cold, let it know that soon it would freeze. The water appreciated being given time to prepare for such changes. Once again the shadows were lengthening, so they decided to once again meet at the mushroom the next day and the blue fairy would take the little brown fairy to meet her cousin."

"I wonder if she'll like helping direct the change of the seasons," Melly said.

"Time will tell," Grandpa replied. "The next day they met at the mushroom then went to visit the blue fairy's cousin. 'Why you are absolutely tiny!' the cousin exclaimed when she saw the little brown fairy. The little brown fairy blushed. 'Certainly,' the blue fairy said. 'and that makes her perfect to help direct the changing of seasons.' 'What's that?' her cousin asked, looking away from the little brown fairy. The blue fairy explained her idea for the little brown fairy. Her cousin looked at the little brown fairy and considered this. 'Yes, I think you might be right. Why don't I introduce her to the Changer.' 'Um,' the little brown fairy timidly asked, 'who is the Changer?' 'The Changer is the fairy that communes with the earth and knows when the seasons should change. Come, I'll take you to him.' The cousin grabbed the little brown fairy's hand and set off. The blue fairy followed behind.

"When they reached the tree where the Changer lived and worked they stopped. The cousin admonished the little brown fairy to treat him with all the respect and honor he deserved. The little brown fairy nodded, eyes wide. A beautiful orange fairy showed them in to his study. The cousin introduced the little brown fairy and the blue fairy to him and explained why they were there. He asked the little brown fairy to come closer. He looked at her for so long that she tried to look away, but he directed her eyes back to his. Finally he nodded. 'Yes, I believe she will do,' he said. 'Do you want this job,' he asked her. 'I'm not sure,' she replied honestly. 'I'm so small and I want to do something, and it does sound like something I might enjoy.' He nodded. 'Yes. I believe you will enjoy this job. And your size will be just fine for this. Maybe we can send you to places where bigger fairies cannot get. Yes. I do believe you are perfect for this job.' The little brown fairy smiled at this. 'Oh thank you!' I will do my very best!' she said. 'I'm sure you will,' he replied. 'But now I must get back to my work,' he said. 'Make sure you get added to the roster as you leave.' She nodded and they left. Once they were back outside the blue fairy said, 'I knew it! The perfect job for you.' The little brown fairy smiled. 'Yes, I think it will be. Thank you! I'm so glad I met you.' "

"Did she like her job?" Melly asked.

"Yes, indeed she did," Grandpa replied. "She loved it and did a marvelous job at it, too."

Melly turned to her mother. "I'm glad you told me to ask Grandpa to tell me this story."

"I'm glad you liked it, dear," her mother replied. "But now it's late and time for bed."

"All right," Melly said reluctantly. She stood and stretched and yawned. She gave Grandpa a hug and thanked him for the story. Then she went and gave her mother a kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," they echoed as she climbed up the stairs to her attic room, where she would dream of fairies the whole night through.

Me duele...

So, I'm going to write a quick blog post and then go to bed, since it is late and I'm not feeling the greatest (yesterday I discovered the following warning on the new medicine I'm taking: "This medicine may lower your ability to fight off infections. Avoid contact with people who have contagious diseases." LOL, like I can do that). Anyway. Tonight I watched "Enchanted." It is one of my favorite movies. I've been hurting a lot today. Tonight I tried to look at doing some cross-stitching, but that caused a bunch of pain in my arms, so I couldn't work on anything. I think sometimes I wish there was even more wrong with me--perhaps as an excuse to spoil myself, or at least a way to justify spending more time trying to take care of myself. Currently, my arms do hurt and that does limit me some, but at least with my job, I plan to use my arms until I just can't take the pain anymore, when it becomes unbearable, like it was in March.

It is sometimes hard to be limited by my arms...to not be able to do things I want to do because of the pain it will cause. It can be frustrating at times. I really should go to bed. That would probably help my headache. I took a nap earlier, so we will see what kind of luck I have with sleeping, but I did take the new meds to help me sleep, and it's been working fairly well, so hopefully it will help tonight. It's a good thing I can sleep in tomorrow, but I can't sleep in too late, 'cause I need to go to my internship in the afternoon. Ta ta for now :)

PS There will be more interesting posts sometimes...I promise...soon I'll write one on faeries...

Decisions

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions. Sometimes it is difficult for me to decide what to do with my time. It is not that I cannot think of anything to do, it's more that I can decide what to do out of all the possibilities. What would be the best use of my time? What should I do? What is most important? What would make me the most happy? What would be most productive? What would bring me the most joy? And sometimes as I consider these I also wonder if I even have enough energy to do them? Is that spot of time and spec of energy enough to call my friend? write a thank-you note? watch a movie and work on my cross-stitching? read a book? start typing up my journals? And so on. So what do I end up doing with my time? Well, it depends, but I've got to admit that something I end up spending all my time wondering and doing nothing (not the most productive use of my time, I know).

Faeries are fabulous, just in case you wanted to know.

Both of my arms are currently hurting. That also puts a kink in the "what should I do" question and search. I'm mildly concerned that the carpal tunnel is returning in my right arm (although I never was completely convinced that it was entirely gone in the first place). I am hoping that I can get some answers from my rheumatologist in the next few weeks as I have a couple appointments with him. However, I learned long ago not to expect doctors to have answers. Much of the time, perhaps even most of the time, they don't really have any answers (at least in my experience). Recently I have begun wondering if perhaps I have a sleeping disorder. It seems reasonably possible that my disordered sleeping is not simply caused by my lack of sleep hygiene nor simply my pain interferring with my sleep. Although, perhaps stress is another factor that disturbs my sleep as well. Perhaps I will never know. I'm sure I have been diagnosed with plenty of things already. I usually can't remember them all at any given moment.

Things are looking up for me...at least financially. Barring any more catatrophes or money drains, I'd say I might be able to go to the dentist in May (I need to go to the dentist so that he can glue one of my dental bridges back on--currently it can come completely off. It has been like that for a few months, actually, but I haven't had the time or money to do anything about it. I would also like the dentist to just check to see if I have any cavaties. I used to not have to worry about them, but now that I have had some, I figure it is always good to check to see if there are more and if there are to get them taken care of as soon as possible).

I've often wished for a machine that could scan my entire body and then print out a reading detailing everything that is wrong with my body. Wouldn't that make life much easier. But, at the same time, that might be overwhelming. Finding out too much at one moment might be more than a sane person could deal with. But still. I know a friend who might like such a machine. From what she tells me, she is dealing with something I've dealt with before and that is going to the doctor when you feel awful and having them tell you nothing is wrong--or at least they cannot determine what is wrong with you. Such happenings are extremely frustrating. If they continue over the years you might even begin to question your own sanity. Are you really in pain? Is your mind just making it up? Are you just trying to get attention, despite the fact that you prefer to fade into the background? Are you a hypochondriac? Maybe this is normal since it is normal for you. You also find that many people have no interest in hearing what's wrong with you. Your pain does not hurt them. They may even think you are making it up. Or they might advise you to simply move beyond it and get things done. And so you do, or at least try to as best you can.

I have a sort of theory, or hypothesis, about why my body is falling apart on me at this time. I have been very focused on college and on working toward my goal of graduating from college since I was in seventh grade. So, I have pushed my body and mind as far as I could in order to achieve my goal. I have done whatever I have felt was necessary in order to further my progress. I worked my butt off in high school so that I could get good grades (aka. A's) so that I would get accepted to BYU. Once at BYU I worked as hard as I could to do well in my classes and I tried to keep my academic scholarship as a way to help me be able to pay for my schooling, since I also had a goal of graduating from college without having to take out a loan (I almost made it and have mostly made peace with the fact that I didn't). One summer I worked 60 hours a week. I worked two jobs--8 hour days during the week and 10-hour days on the weekends. I continually pushed my body to wake up early or stay of late in order to finish homework. I carried around my backpack--fitting as much in it as I could before it was just too heavy. So, all this is an introduction to my theory, which is "My body if falling apart on me now because I pushed it so hard to achieve my goal of graduating from college." Now that might seem a little dramatic to some people, but I contiually told my body that it couldn't fall apart on my yet because I really had to finish that semester or I really had to work mucho hours in order to pay for school. And my body wasn't perfect. It broke down bit by bit. By my last semester I was only able to manage four classes and working around fifteen hours a week. And even then I felt like I was falling apart at the seams. Over the years my ability to think and process seems to have diminished. My ability to concentrate has decreased. (and I am not joking) I know that classes get harder as you move up in college; however, it is not just there that my mind and memory have failed me. I've always had some difficulty with remembering things, but in recent years it has gotten worse. Now, I try not to focus too much of my time and attention on this aspect of my life, but it is true. I figure it is wound up in with my other medical problems...most especially I see it as a part of my fibromyalgia. At times I wonder if it is just normal to have this sort of difficulty with remembering things, but I do know that I had a sharper memory as a child, even in high school and my beginning years in college. My memorization skills are failing. I feel like I graduated from college but am not sure of my ability to do anything. Whether it is my mind or body getting in my way. (Yes, I know I've included a number of fragments in today's entry, but I like fragments and I feel like they express what I want them to. I apologize if they annoy or confuse you.)

Confidence is an area I continue to need to work on. I've decided to be done with the previous topic for today, but I shall probably revisit it in the future. Well, my left arm is beginning to complain that I have typed for too long. Or perhaps it is just hurting more and I'm wanting it to hurt less. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you may be pursuing at this time in your life. Amen. Amen. And Amen.