Nostalgia

Nostalgia. Memories. What could of been, what was, what is, and what might be.

Today I attended the high school graduation of one of my younger brothers. It took place in the same place I graduated. Many of the same teachers there. Familiar faces. Etc.

Tonight as I worked on the computer I listened to my "Bing Crosby" station on Pandora Radio. I love those old-time songs, and the lyrical voices of singers like Bing, Billie Holiday, Frank Sinatra, Fred Astaire, Ella Fitzgerald, Nat King Cole, and so many more with classic songs like "When You Wish Upon A Star," "It Had to Be You," and "The Very Thought of You."

Living at home also brings back memories. Living in my hometown brings back memories. And remembering leads me to ponder what my future will be. At this point I have no clue whatsoever. Not really. And I guess that's okay. For now. For always? I'm not sure. Uncertainty and a sort of limbo are okay for a time, but I'd like a direction. Maybe I have direction and don't realize is. Who knows. Time will tell the tale...

Well, it's getting late and I've got church in the morning. I want to try to write more often. Hopefully I shall. Until next time...

Miscellany

So, I've been wanting to write a new post for awhile, but never got around to it. I've been reading posts from other blogs and I had ideas as I read them...but of course I immediately forgot them. Ah, well. Se la vi. Maybe listening to some music will help me think of what to write--but I need to keep it short since I want to try to go to bed earlier-ish.

What do you dream about and of? I dream of oh so many things. I dream of moving back to Utah. I dream of one day being married and having kids. I dream of writing books.

You know, as I look back on my life, I remember that I was once an active kid. Quite active.

I love books! I love book design. I have enjoyed volunteering for SVU's literary magazine--The Review.

Sometimes Academia really annoys me.

This year I'm trying to read a little in the Ensign every day. I am developing greater appreciation for the Ensign. I really enjoy reading in it.

That's all for the nonce.

Be Not Discouraged

Why is it so hard for me to accomplish things, to get things done? What is my problem? I'm not sure I know. Perhaps I just need to learn greater self-discipline. That could be my problem. It certainly seems like the most likely answer. Selfishness could stand as a cause for my lack of self-discipline. So, now then, how do I overcome selfishness...the answer I generally here for that is service. And what is the cure for lack of discipline...work? It's a wonder I've accomplished anything in my life. But, I do know that if I want to accomplish things in the rest of my life it will require tons of hard work!

I do love good music.

I guess I also have trouble keeping goals...although I have achieved some goals in my life. I created a to do list to try to help me get things done and it has helped a little bit, but I still have a lot of improvement that is needed. I do allow good things to distract me from doing the best things.

Writing is often a slow process for me...often only a sentence or two at a time...the more important I consider it, often the longer it takes. Although there are times when I experience rushes of inspiration, and I write much quicker when I'm not worried about how I sound, going more for stream of conscious than sounding good or making it be good writing.

Sometimes I like to multitask. I see it as a way to get things done while not...you see often I can't seem to face the things I need to do, or they seem too overwhelming or whatnot. So, for example, right now I'm listening to music and rating it in my iTunes, I'm playing on pixiehollow.com (which I do quite love), and writing here.

Don't be discouraged...that is something I must strive for and perhaps that will help me with overcoming my selfishness and with developing more self control. Happy Weekend:)

Books, Movies, and Music

Hi...so the fingers on my right hand are definitely tingling right now...and I've got a major league headache...but it's raining nice and hard which is wonderful. So, lately instead of writing in here I have been escaping into books...what can I say...Books are awesome! I'd love to escape into a book today as well, but I can't 'cause Saturdays are busy days...Leading Edge, Internship, and work. Not all books are complete escapes...since they often cause me to think, sometimes about issues in my life I am trying to ignore for the moment...ah, well... So, guess what, pain makes it more difficult to think, a problem I believe I am having right now. I also think I often don't want to confront what I may being thinking or worrying about...And I find plenty to worry about. It's no wonder I like to escape into books.

I love music. And Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire are awesome...I love their music and movies! Danny Kaye is also way awesome. And of course you can't forget people like Audrey Hepburn, Katherine Hepburn, Cary Grant, Jimmy Stewart, and the list goes on and on. I also like Drew Barrymore, Hugh Jackman, Meg Ryan, and others. There is so much good music in the world and love that Pandora can link me to so much of it. I love music! Now I'm not like some people who need it like 24/7, but I still really love and love how it can brighten my life and help me sleep and help me relax and calm down, etc.

So, sometimes uncertainty can cause stress. I think I am often unwilling to admit things I truly wish and long for, especially to others. I am much better than I used to be. I think a part of me feels like if I admit what I want it will just cause me to want it more and thus be even more disappointed when I lose the possibility of it happening or something like that. I know I didn't express that very well. I know I am generally working in abstracts rather than concretes. I know that is something I need to work on in my writing. What should I do to work on concretes...I think fiction is often an easier medium for concretes--less threatening you know. At times I can move beyond caring...but oh so many times I can't...not good, not good at all. Throw it all to the wind...fears restrain me...silly, stupid fears.

There are many things I'd like to learn how to do. One of those is web design...I know I should have taken the classes when I was at BYU, but I didn't. I just wasn't in the program. I needed to graduate. But I would like to learn. The Leading Edge website needs lots of work. It makes me sad to see it so pathetic. The older version was much, much better. I should also work just generally on my design skills. Make up projects for myself, something like that. Explore and learn. There is still so much I do not know.

Sometimes I am such a silly person. I live a lot in my brain. I know we all live in our own brains, but still... sometimes I feel like I don't have a ton of interhuman communication. Hmmm. Oh-well, I guess. Don't you just love it though when there are people you really connect with! I do. People who you feel like just understand you even without knowing you, or with knowing you. There are also various levels of connection. Any connection is good, but the higher levels are more like miracles...inexplicable and wonderful.

Well, it's time for me to get going with my day...Leading Edge, Internship, Work...