Sometimes, somewhat, a hypochondriac

I often worry too much about life and the many things life is made of. I feel quite socially awkward, I stress over making good decisions, and own a decided streak of perfectionism. My abundance of worry often leads me to feel as though I am a hypochondriac.And perhaps I am a hypochondriac...

I think, for a time, I did not worry so much--I knew I had fibromyalgia and arthritis and felt like I had an idea of a direction to go in. Then carpal tunnel hit, which threw me for quite the loop. And now as my arms hurt more and more, I worry. The silliest worry I have involves wondering what will show up next or what is already there but still unknown. Complete and utter nonsense.

I'll admit, regarding my health lately, I've tried to take the ostrich approach--keep your head in the sand and hope for the best. But, like I said, my arms keep hurting more and more. Plus, my digestive system continues to dislike me, having stayed unsettled for a month now. Part of my brain reasons that it is simply the result of going off an SSRI. The other part of my brain worries that something else could be wrong with me--most prominately celiac disease (sparked by the fact that the number of people I know that have it continues to grow). I certainly don't want celiac disease. Do you know how many foods have wheat in them--tons!

One thing that feeds my worry--I did not recognize I had carpal tunnel until it caused me quite a lot of pain--this resulted from the fact that I have other health problems that cause me to experience pain 24/7. Even now, if I didn't have this past year's experience with carpal tunnel, would simply think my arms hurt a lot currently.

Around and around I go. And a merry ride it is...

A Myriad of Thoughts

I have a lot of thoughts going through my semi-spinning brain. And yet, it some ways I have difficulty remembering them all. I am tired, even though I slept okayish last night--definitely better than most nights lately. I also have difficulty thinking straight, which makes things a bit more difficult. At some point I am going to have to ask for help. I've got lots to do, not a ton of energy, etc. In short, it's inevitable that I am going to have to ask help in order to get things done. I'm like so tired and yet I have somewhat of a long day ahead of me, but I'll make it--not a problem. So tired...oh do tired. Yesterday I went to Lagoon, which was lots of fun...but afterwards I was way tired. And last night I took two of my sleep meds to help me sleep, and they did help me sleep, before I went to bed I felt like I was running into myself (I know that sounds weird, but that is how it feels), same as I felt when I was so extremely tired on Tuesday. Tengo sueño.

Last night I did like all of my mounds of laundry, and then...the drier doesn't work. Hopefully it will get fixed soon...or they'll eventually dry on their own...maybe. Hopefully it gets fixed, I called my landlord...so, hopefully. Wow, it looks like I got tanned a bit yesterday:). I didn't burn 'cause I put on sunscreen, so I didn't expect to tan any. Well, I'm not complaining. BTW, steampunk is way cool. One time a few years back, when I was riding the bus to and from Lindon everyday for work, as I was sitting at the bus stop, a guy talked to me about Steampunk for the whole time we waited for the bus. It was the first I'd heard of it...but truly, it's way cool.

I love the rain...right now I am listening to the rain on the sun-roof in the HumPub. Yesterday I finished reading The Bonemender. I really liked it. And I discovered there are two sequels to it, so I'll be looking into reading them. I wonder what causes tingling. I really do wonder. I'm thinking of asking my doctor, and I know there are probably lots of causes, but still it would be nice to know.

My body, especially my joints, have been hurting a way lot this week. It will be interesting to see what my sed rate is. What is confusing is when I feel the burning pain that my rheumatoligist's Nurse Practitioner said is associated with arthritis in places that are not my joints, like the middle of my lower arm. Although, earlier this week I felt the burning pain extending from my knee down half my lower leg. I need to learn more about how to describe pain, since I experience lots of it and my doctors ask what kind of pain I am feeling and I have difficulty describing it. Like right now in my elbow I have this tingling pain. And whatnot. With all this pain though, I thought it was supposed to be getting better since I'm taking this temporary med that my rheumatoligist thinks should reduce my inflammation. Joan, one of my co-workers, said that my tons of pain is probably caused by the stormy weather we have been having. And perhaps it could be in part because of my lack of sleep that I've been experiencing lately. ¿Quién sabe?

I want, and eventually will, get an external hard-drive. Right now I'm thinking all probably get a 320 GB portable external hard-drive, since they are pretty much the cheapest. I want to get one sooner than later so that I can get the rest of my stuff off my old computer, so I can take it to DI, so I have room on my desk to set up my scanner. I have more thoughts, but I don't really have more time...Seeing as how I need to be at my internship in like less than an hour and stuff like that. I think I might spend a quick few moments doing some family history searching on Ancestry.com before I leave for my internship. Have a wonderful day and search "star wars awesome poster" on google images.

PS sometimes I feel clautrophbicish.