When Do You Ask For Help?

Today I read an excellent blog post by a friend. Reading it prompted me to ponder a number of things, but the one I want to discuss here is asking for help. It is a topic I frequently think about. I feel like I have always had a hard time asking for help, and I hear lots of other people saying the same thing. So, I have some questions for you:

How do you decide when to ask for help?
How often do you feel it is okay to ask for help?
How much help is it okay to ask for?
What kinds of things is it okay to ask for help with?

Often when I think about these questions, I feel like I just need to find a way to make things work on my own (which just writing that sounds like completely the wrong way to look at things, and yet it is my automatic and ingrained response). I feel like I need to learn to prioritize better. And I feel like I am in constant need of help, which prompts the second question.

I also feel like I need to find ways to make it so that I do not feel in need of help as often. For the past few months, I have struggled facing doing dishes because by the time I finish washing a load of dishes, I am in a decent amount of pain. So, I bought scrubber brush that I can use to wash a dish or two when I feel up to it. This helps the dishes not pile up as fast. That is a positive solution that helps me feel less of a need to ask for help from others. However, all it takes is one cooked meal for there to be an overwhelming (to me) amount of dishes. Thinking about that then has me thinking that I just need to learn how to not be overwhelmed. But it also has me once again reflecting on when it is okay to ask for help and how often it is okay to ask for help. There is value in being self reliant, but I guess I'm not always sure where the border is between being self reliant and when it is okay to ask for help.

The comparison game also pops up in regards to asking for help. I will tell myself that there are so many others that need help much more than me. Or I will think that everyone else faces similar things, so I just need to learn how to make do like everyone else (which is an all or nothing sort of thinking).

This past week, I even got some help from family and friends. And it was so great. But then there is still so much more that weighs on me, so much more I feel needs to be done, so much more where I wonder if perhaps it would be okay if I asked for some help.

And so, my friends, I would love your input. I realize this is a balancing act that we are all likely in the process of trying to figure out, but if you have any thoughts on the subject, I would love to hear them.

Balance

I just wanted to write something short today. Lately I've been trying to work on writing (hence the two new Melly stories). I've been setting goals--I reached my goal for July. The goal I set for August is a bit daunting and I'm not sure if I'll make it, but I'm going to try. I enjoy writing, even when I don't feel that what I right is all that great. Right now I'm concentrating on just writing--getting things written even though they are very rough. Once I get more written, I plan to spend time revising as well. I also want to set goals to work on transcribing what I've recorded with my digital voice recorder. To help me reach all these goals I'm setting rewards--those especially help me when I'm tired and just don't feel like doing anything.

I love reading. I've started re-reading the Angel series (by Dan Yates). I love those books. At work I am also getting to learn about book marketing. I'm not getting a ton of guidance, but hopefully I'll be able to help market them. I recently read the one that just came out--Patchwork: Pieces of Appalachia by Lena McNicholas. I really enjoyed it, and so I hope I can market it well. I'm trying. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing that great of job. But sometimes there are successes. Those make me happy. I just have to remember to be persistent. And to follow up and follow up and follow up.

I'm also trying to figure out what to do about my health, yet mostly just want to try and ignore it. I went to an alternative medicine person this week. I wasn't a big fan. I don't know if it was the person, the plan or what, but in short, I'm not a big fan. I'm also trying to get a rheumatologist appointment. That's not working out too well and I sometimes wonder if I even need to or want to go. I certainly don't want to take off work to do so. Having health problems carries its own stigma and considering the person who had my job before me had to leave because of health problems I don't want to make it seem like the same. Not that I have MS like they found out she does (which is much, much worse than what I have to deal with). But as I was using spider killer spray the other day a co-worker told me to be careful--my chair is cursed, seeing as how people who sit there develop health problems. Anyway.

I have lots of things I want and need to get done. It's hard to find a balance in life but maybe someday I will. A balance in and with everything. That is one thing I didn't particularly like about that alternative medicine person's approach--it is such an unbalanced and extreme way to live. But whatever. Maybe someday it won't seem so extreme to me. Though I don't know that I would ever want to completely give up sugar. Besides, someone I trust once said that she'd tried not eating sugar and had found that balance and moderation in all things is the better course. I tend to listen better and more to people I trust. Ta Ta For Now :)