To do, to do, so many things to do

Hi, so sometimes I feel almost overwhelmed by all the things to do. And yet at the same time I feel like I'm accomplishing absolutely nothing. But yeah. I am in a middle sort of state right now...tired and stuff but not necessarily completely and utterly exhausted (unless it just hasn't hit me yet, which is possible). Today I read more about fibromyalgia. I have lots more to learn about it. I don't know where to start with writing tonight. You might just get a bunch of random statements all strung together. Tonight I listened to a spiel about becoming a Mary Kaye consultant. I actually found it quite compelling and may look into doing it in a few years, but not right now when my life is such a mess (not that it will ever not be a mess, but perhaps less up in the air). It seems like my left arm is still hurting some, but the doctor did say I don't need to wear it 24/7 starting tomorrow. I need to make a decision about whether or not I'll still wear it at work. One of my customers recommended I still wear it at work. At time I am surprised how much some of the customers remember about what I've told them about my arm. It's kind of crazy, but we have lots of good customers at Day's. They are one of the good things about my job.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by just the simple things I need to do, like take a shower, get ready for bed, sleep, wake up in the morning, get going. You know, regular old stuff like that. Then if you add in things I want to do...well, in short, the list never ends. Never will everything be done. The other day I thought how my life now is not really what I thought it might be like ten years ago. Yes, I did graduate from college. But I didn't go on a mission nor am I married. I often forget what age I am. I often think the wrong age. Like just now when I was trying to figure out how old I was 10 years ago, all I could think was 7th grade and then when I tried to think how old I am now I was about to write 25, but I'm actually not 25. I've always been rather confuseded (and yes the double "ed" is purposeful. I sometimes/often randomly add extra "ed"s to words in my mind, so if I am to write what I'm thinking, well, basically I included the double "ed" but only in my journal, and now here) about my age. I've generally felt older than I am, more around Nathan's age. It kind of confuses me up, but that's okay.

Did you know you can only have 200 characters worth of labels per post, how silly is that. I found that out last post. Anyways. Life is interesting. Yesterday in church the speakers spoke about being positive admidst adversity. And it seems like someone said something like "Rather than seeking to do what you enjoy, seek to enjoy what you are doing." I think there is some wisdom in that. I was thinking about that today and wondering where pain fits into the equation. I guess I can try enjoy being in pain, but so far it's not working too well. I can better understand the suggestion (from Inside Fibromyalgia) to laugh at the times when fibro-fog messes with your life. Let me try to explain what fibro-fog is. I realize that plenty of people have these same sort of things happen to them, but when you have fibromyalgia it is a bit different (in my opinion, of course). So I'm debating whether I should just quote from the book or try to explain it by giving examples from my own life...well the second sounds more fun, so here we go.

Do you ever have to question which is you left or right side? I do. Are you constantly forgetting names and words? I am. Do you frequently find it difficult to concentrate? I do...in fact I've discovered that so often do I have fibro-fog that I often cannot read more complex books. Sometimes my mind is too tired to even read simple things. Not remembering things is a constant sort of state for me. My mind goes blank all the time too. There are times at work when I can't remember what button to push--for example, I have a check in my hand and can't remember what button to push (note: the correct button to push is the one that says "check" on it). There are many a time when I cannot do simple addition. Or say I have a quarter in my hand and I can't quite figure out which spot in my drawer to put it in--I look at them and my mind doesn't compute. But that's okay, 'cause apparently that's normal for people with fibromyaligia (FM). And I learned through my reading today that it does not mean my brain is failing...it just means the pain is interfering with the normal thinking process.

Now that I've gone on and on about fibro-fog lets move to something else...not sure what though. Hmmm...Any ideas...It is true that I should get going...go take a shower, get ready for bed, attempt sleep. Have you ever been poor? I wouldn't necessarily classify myself as poor but money is rather tight...which is actually pretty normal for me. I'm not very good with my spending habits...or with finances in general to be honest. It is definitely an area I need to improve in...along with all those other areas. I like reading. Reading's mucho fun. I like water, too. It tries to make my mouth and throat not so dry. It doesn't really succeed, but that's okay, at least it tries and works for a nanosecond. There are some things you shouldn't toss...I was just about to try and toss a plate from my bed to a chair...luckily I didn't, since it belongs to a friend of mine. Anyways. I often experience lots of random aches and pains. And while that is normal, at times it worries me some...especially after all this bruhaha with carpal tunnel.

While I'm sure you are sitting on the edge of your seat to hear about all my random aches and pains (not that I could begin to remember even half of the ones I've experienced today), I'm afraid I'm going to disappoint you and instead try and make myself stop writing and go take a shower or at least do something a little more productive. Oh, guess what I thought of last night as I was trying to fall asleep. (background info--I want to be an author, and I often write down things on random pieces of paper as they come to my mind). So, I thought it would be cool if I could record myself singing "Just start typing, just start writing" to the tune of "Just keep swimming" from Finding Nemo. And have it set on my computer so that it would repeat that recording every half hour or so. Wouldn't that be awesome...and a great reminder. I like it. We'll see if it ever happens though. I love the music I'm listening too right now--the soundtrack to Ever After (I love that movie!). Wow, my left arm is definitely starting to hurt some. I guess that's the signal for me to stop writing--¡Qué triste! The pain goes up my arm and into my shoulder...owy. Well, now it really is time to go...Ta Ta For Now (TTFN) {Tiffany Oaks taught me that one =)}

The Miracle of Life!

I just looked at pictures of one of my best friends and her new baby! Little Iain is SO cute. Babies are so wonderful--a lot of hard work, but wonderful all the same. I hope to one day have my own children. Hopefully by then I won't be in so much pain all the time, but even if I am, I'll make it. Life is such a wonderful and precious gift. It is springtime right now, a time of new growth, of renewal (and weddings and engagements...). Right now it is raining--I love the rain! (although I don't necessarily like the fact that I am in more pain when it is stormy weather...but I love the rain all the same...when I was little I changed the rhyme to Rain, rain, stay, stay, stay, stay until another day).

This morning I did not want to get out of bed. But I did. So, that is a good thing. Last night I went to a friend's house for a Mary Kaye facial. I enjoyed it, and a lot of things we learned make sense, but it also requires a lot of time and money (at least from my perspective). Many people are successful in their lives. Right now I generally feel kind of like I am floundering. At times I do have hope for better things (that is how I feel right now...I think it is related to seeing the pictures of Jenn, Brian, and Iain). I don't know what life will bring me. I'm not quite sure how to plan for whatever will come. But, as long as I put my trust and faith in the Lord, I should be fine.

I'm sorry that you are having to hear this so much, but I hurt! Yesterday I asked my doctor about the new medicine I'm on and he said about now is when it should start to kick in and that in a month or so will be when it plateaus. So, it is more of the waiting game until we can see how much help this medicine gives me. He also looked at the x-rays of my knees and showed me how there is really a lot of inflammation in there...no wonder my knees hurt! Hopefully the medicine will help relieve the inflammation. I told him that my right arm carpal tunnel is getting bad again. He was a bit surprised. So, he said we'd look at it again at my next appointment and if I was still having troubles with it he'd give me another cortisone shot. He doesn't think I'll have more problems with my left arm since it isn't as bad and my right arm. Well, it is time for me to go to my internship with Rick Walton :) So, until next time...(maybe I'll entertain you then with some of my crazy notions and theories).