I know it's very late...

I know it's very late, but I just wanted to write a little. I am SO grateful to have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. If I did not I would probably be in a very not happy state. I am far from prefect and have plenty of problems and issues, but the foundation of the gospel keeps me grounded. It keeps me from falling completely apart. I don't think I could make it through life without the gospel. I make mistakes--often, and am unwise, yet I wish I could share my foundation with others. I wish there was some way to help them SEE the happiness the gospel brings. Life isn't peaches and cream, but it's better than it could be.

There is much good in life. And to find it we must seek for it and be grateful for it. I am quite tired, but I wish I could do more. I want to try harder, to not let fear dictate my actions, to not become overwhelmed but to face life with courage, hope, and faith. I love the Plan of Salvation. Even though I do not know what the future may bring, I do know that Christ will always be there for me. I have many weaknesses and faults that I need to work on, but I hope that in some small measure I can touch the lives of others for good. I hope that I can see clear and true and allow love to guide my actions.

I could easily be awake when the rest of the family begins arising for the day. I hope to not be though, but while I am tired, my mind is also churning. I want to try to be a better friend. And now I'm going to go to bed.

I'm too tired to think of a title

So, changing or getting off of medicines is not a particularly fun experience. Different meds, obviously, cause different reactions. Currently I am getting off of a medicine that I've been taking for a few years. It has helped me a lot and I went through trial and error of a lot of other meds before I found this one. However, it is also quite expensive--especially since there is no generic. With my current insurance and financial situation there is no possible way for me to keep taking it, so I'm getting off of it. Thankfully I am living at home and don't have too many responsibilities. The ones I have are taxing enough. As I get off this med and experience the side effects, it reminds me a lot of a couple other times when I got of a similar medicine. Both were quite difficult experiences. I knew this was coming and I hope for the best. I hope I can stay positive and optimistic. I hope I can face life with courage. These are of course things I always struggle with, but I just have to try to maintain habits and fight against whatever pulls me in an opposite direction. Chemicals in my brain don't have to win.

Experiences such as these help us grow. One of my biggest worries is that I'll be callous towards others. That I'll get so wrapped up in my own world that I can't see things as they truly are, nor be sensitive to the needs of others. I haven't done the greatest in the past, but I shall try to do better in the future.

I shall also strive to have faith and hope in the future. When I moved back home a few months ago, I planned to live here for 8 months and then move back to Utah. While I would still like that, the possibility of it happening is actually rather slim. I'm beginning to accept the idea that I may not be moving back, and even seeing the good in it, the wisdom. I would love to have more faith in my ability to succeed at supporting myself, but it's really hard to do, I'm afraid. So, very hard to do. I would like to try again. But I also realize how expensive that can be, especially if I fail once again. If I could predict how my body would react, that would help. And even then I'm willing to try and push through it. I don't know. I am trying to leave my life in the Lord's hand. Doing as much as I can to plan and do things with my life and pray for His guidance.

It is late and I need to get to bed. My body can always use the rest, if rest I can get. Tomorrow's a new day, another chance. Perhaps I'll do a bit better than today. Maybe I'll at least get one thing done or worked on from my "To Do" list.

Life is good and there is much I can do with mine. I have great potential for good. I need to continually strive to overcome my fears and to reach forth my hand unto my fellow beings.

Today I drove Samuel, my brother, to Harrisonburg, and with the help of my sister Lydia we shopped for stuff for his mission. As we drove home I spent a lot of time thinking about the guy I like. He's a really great guy, which is probably part of why I like him so much.

It will be interesting to see where my life leads me.

I need a title for this post...any suggestions...

Well...Later...

PS I love InDesign! And Clipart's pretty awesome too.

hopefully patient

So, this will probably be a rather short post since I want to watch a movie before I go to bed (in my defense, I took a nap between work and Leading Edge, so the likelihood of me falling asleep before midnight anyway is practically nil). As for the title, tonight I was thinking about how much more patient I am than I used to be. When I was a teen I coined the following phrase: "Patience is a virtue, that I haven't got." I loved that phrase, but since that time I have had many a lesson in patience and I'm sure I'll have plenty more in my life, but the point is that I a much more patient than I used to be. As for hope, well I'm sure that is something I could work on, but I think the fact that I don't give in to despair sufficient proof that I am not completely void of hope.

As is usual, I'm in lots of pain. In some ways I feel like the amount of joint pain I'm regularly experiencing is increasing. I could be wrong, but still. It is most definitely increasing in joints that didn't bother me too much before...such as my hip, and elbow, and such. But, such is my life. It is sad, but in some ways I'd like to have RA just as a way to explain all the pain I am in, not that I don't have enough diagnoses already.

Today it was once again confirmed to me that copy editing is not my calling in life, and really not something I really enjoy. I'm okay with substantive editing, but copy editing, well, yeah, not my cup of tea. I have been SO thirsty today. It is somewhat annoying. I have drunk over 150 oz. of water and still my tongue is dry and I am way thirsty. Frustration. But whatever.

Well, i should start the movie soon, but I had a bit to say and I wanted to share it. I hope you are having a wonderful day!

The Miracle of Life!

I just looked at pictures of one of my best friends and her new baby! Little Iain is SO cute. Babies are so wonderful--a lot of hard work, but wonderful all the same. I hope to one day have my own children. Hopefully by then I won't be in so much pain all the time, but even if I am, I'll make it. Life is such a wonderful and precious gift. It is springtime right now, a time of new growth, of renewal (and weddings and engagements...). Right now it is raining--I love the rain! (although I don't necessarily like the fact that I am in more pain when it is stormy weather...but I love the rain all the same...when I was little I changed the rhyme to Rain, rain, stay, stay, stay, stay until another day).

This morning I did not want to get out of bed. But I did. So, that is a good thing. Last night I went to a friend's house for a Mary Kaye facial. I enjoyed it, and a lot of things we learned make sense, but it also requires a lot of time and money (at least from my perspective). Many people are successful in their lives. Right now I generally feel kind of like I am floundering. At times I do have hope for better things (that is how I feel right now...I think it is related to seeing the pictures of Jenn, Brian, and Iain). I don't know what life will bring me. I'm not quite sure how to plan for whatever will come. But, as long as I put my trust and faith in the Lord, I should be fine.

I'm sorry that you are having to hear this so much, but I hurt! Yesterday I asked my doctor about the new medicine I'm on and he said about now is when it should start to kick in and that in a month or so will be when it plateaus. So, it is more of the waiting game until we can see how much help this medicine gives me. He also looked at the x-rays of my knees and showed me how there is really a lot of inflammation in there...no wonder my knees hurt! Hopefully the medicine will help relieve the inflammation. I told him that my right arm carpal tunnel is getting bad again. He was a bit surprised. So, he said we'd look at it again at my next appointment and if I was still having troubles with it he'd give me another cortisone shot. He doesn't think I'll have more problems with my left arm since it isn't as bad and my right arm. Well, it is time for me to go to my internship with Rick Walton :) So, until next time...(maybe I'll entertain you then with some of my crazy notions and theories).