Cross Stitching

I love cross-stitching! I find it enjoyable and relaxing. I like all the different patterns and of course all the various colors of embroidery floss. I found this cool website online that offers you free patterns everyday. If any of you go to http://cross-stitchers-club.com/?code_avantage=okyjcc and join I will receive points to access patterns from previous days. I'd love you forever if you did! (Although I'll probably love you forever if you don't). Cross-stitching does bother my arms some, but I'm trying to manage that with some exercises I learned from people who went through my line at Day's market and gave me advice on how to help my carpal tunnel. One of the persons who gave me advice was a massage therapist--I trust her advice the most, and it does help--which is good.

It is late and I need to get myself off to bed. But, I thought I'd let y'all know about one of my hobbies. Jenn reintroduced me to it and taught me how to be a competent cross-stitcher--Thanks Jenn!!!

Slightly Exhausted

Hi, I'm rather tired. However, this afternoon I had fun playing with a four-year-0ld. And while my arm now hurts and whatnot, that is okay, cause it was a lot of fun. My elbow hurts too and my arm hand was tingling/numbish. But I think it's betterish now. My doctor is going to have me start another round of the temporary medicine and then he wants me to get my SED rate tested again. I figure I'll set up an appointment with my doctor so that she can order it for me and then I can talk with her as well. Okay, so maybe my arms still are a bit numbish, but whatever.

I figure I have some things to figure out in my life--such as paying back my student loan. Such as a new job. I don't know if I've mentioned that subject before, but I think I'd like to work out some of my concerns in my mind by writing them here. So, what am I looking for in a new job--well it needs to be better pay, hopefully with benefits. As it is, come fall, even if I worked 40 hours a week at Day's I still wouldn't be earning enough money to pay my bills, so I need my income to increase. Also, I have very limited options when it comes to health insurance come fall and the best option would to be covered by my job. It would also be good if I got a job that was easier on my body--my doctors would like this and so would I. Let's define easier on my body--not too stressful (aka not editing or other demanding jobs), a job where I'm not required to stand all day (or sit all day, however it would be best if sitting was the majority, but where I get up sometimes too), and I can't think of what else. It would be good if it had a set schedule too.

Okay, that paragraph was starting to overwhelm me. What was I saying... It would be nice if I enjoy the job too. Also, because pain impairs my mental ability so I can't quite think straight, it would be nice if the job wasn't too mentally straining. Anyways. I feel like I'm getting lost in my explanation. Well, anyways, some of my concerns about going about and getting a job. Number one...my physical limitations. Now I know people can't refuse me for such reasons and whatnot, but they concern ME. Others might not see them as a problem, but they worry me a bit. Number two, how can I go get a job and then immediately start asking for time off for doctor appointments and whatever else--that does not seem responsible to me at all. Next, I'm not sure what is next...exhaustion...tiredness...etc...which makes job searching a bit of a difficulty. Especially with all the work that is entailed. Kind of what I have in my mind now is that I will continue to work toward getting a new job...slowly but surely...and hopefully the Lord will drop something in my lap later on this summer. I'm not sure I'm quite ready to give up being a part of the Day's Market community yet.

I'm hungry...I think I might buy a Little Ceaser's Pizza tonight... Right now I'm at Leading Edge:). I worked a bit on the Ward Directory. I think I like the cover I created for it. Maybe I'll see if I can upload a copy of it on here :). Well, I can't seem to get it to work, but I'll try another time. I would like to share it, 'cause I like it. And I think this is all I'm going to write for now all though there is plenty more I could write. But...whatever...we'll save all that for later...another time...

To do, to do, so many things to do

Hi, so sometimes I feel almost overwhelmed by all the things to do. And yet at the same time I feel like I'm accomplishing absolutely nothing. But yeah. I am in a middle sort of state right now...tired and stuff but not necessarily completely and utterly exhausted (unless it just hasn't hit me yet, which is possible). Today I read more about fibromyalgia. I have lots more to learn about it. I don't know where to start with writing tonight. You might just get a bunch of random statements all strung together. Tonight I listened to a spiel about becoming a Mary Kaye consultant. I actually found it quite compelling and may look into doing it in a few years, but not right now when my life is such a mess (not that it will ever not be a mess, but perhaps less up in the air). It seems like my left arm is still hurting some, but the doctor did say I don't need to wear it 24/7 starting tomorrow. I need to make a decision about whether or not I'll still wear it at work. One of my customers recommended I still wear it at work. At time I am surprised how much some of the customers remember about what I've told them about my arm. It's kind of crazy, but we have lots of good customers at Day's. They are one of the good things about my job.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by just the simple things I need to do, like take a shower, get ready for bed, sleep, wake up in the morning, get going. You know, regular old stuff like that. Then if you add in things I want to do...well, in short, the list never ends. Never will everything be done. The other day I thought how my life now is not really what I thought it might be like ten years ago. Yes, I did graduate from college. But I didn't go on a mission nor am I married. I often forget what age I am. I often think the wrong age. Like just now when I was trying to figure out how old I was 10 years ago, all I could think was 7th grade and then when I tried to think how old I am now I was about to write 25, but I'm actually not 25. I've always been rather confuseded (and yes the double "ed" is purposeful. I sometimes/often randomly add extra "ed"s to words in my mind, so if I am to write what I'm thinking, well, basically I included the double "ed" but only in my journal, and now here) about my age. I've generally felt older than I am, more around Nathan's age. It kind of confuses me up, but that's okay.

Did you know you can only have 200 characters worth of labels per post, how silly is that. I found that out last post. Anyways. Life is interesting. Yesterday in church the speakers spoke about being positive admidst adversity. And it seems like someone said something like "Rather than seeking to do what you enjoy, seek to enjoy what you are doing." I think there is some wisdom in that. I was thinking about that today and wondering where pain fits into the equation. I guess I can try enjoy being in pain, but so far it's not working too well. I can better understand the suggestion (from Inside Fibromyalgia) to laugh at the times when fibro-fog messes with your life. Let me try to explain what fibro-fog is. I realize that plenty of people have these same sort of things happen to them, but when you have fibromyalgia it is a bit different (in my opinion, of course). So I'm debating whether I should just quote from the book or try to explain it by giving examples from my own life...well the second sounds more fun, so here we go.

Do you ever have to question which is you left or right side? I do. Are you constantly forgetting names and words? I am. Do you frequently find it difficult to concentrate? I do...in fact I've discovered that so often do I have fibro-fog that I often cannot read more complex books. Sometimes my mind is too tired to even read simple things. Not remembering things is a constant sort of state for me. My mind goes blank all the time too. There are times at work when I can't remember what button to push--for example, I have a check in my hand and can't remember what button to push (note: the correct button to push is the one that says "check" on it). There are many a time when I cannot do simple addition. Or say I have a quarter in my hand and I can't quite figure out which spot in my drawer to put it in--I look at them and my mind doesn't compute. But that's okay, 'cause apparently that's normal for people with fibromyaligia (FM). And I learned through my reading today that it does not mean my brain is failing...it just means the pain is interfering with the normal thinking process.

Now that I've gone on and on about fibro-fog lets move to something else...not sure what though. Hmmm...Any ideas...It is true that I should get going...go take a shower, get ready for bed, attempt sleep. Have you ever been poor? I wouldn't necessarily classify myself as poor but money is rather tight...which is actually pretty normal for me. I'm not very good with my spending habits...or with finances in general to be honest. It is definitely an area I need to improve in...along with all those other areas. I like reading. Reading's mucho fun. I like water, too. It tries to make my mouth and throat not so dry. It doesn't really succeed, but that's okay, at least it tries and works for a nanosecond. There are some things you shouldn't toss...I was just about to try and toss a plate from my bed to a chair...luckily I didn't, since it belongs to a friend of mine. Anyways. I often experience lots of random aches and pains. And while that is normal, at times it worries me some...especially after all this bruhaha with carpal tunnel.

While I'm sure you are sitting on the edge of your seat to hear about all my random aches and pains (not that I could begin to remember even half of the ones I've experienced today), I'm afraid I'm going to disappoint you and instead try and make myself stop writing and go take a shower or at least do something a little more productive. Oh, guess what I thought of last night as I was trying to fall asleep. (background info--I want to be an author, and I often write down things on random pieces of paper as they come to my mind). So, I thought it would be cool if I could record myself singing "Just start typing, just start writing" to the tune of "Just keep swimming" from Finding Nemo. And have it set on my computer so that it would repeat that recording every half hour or so. Wouldn't that be awesome...and a great reminder. I like it. We'll see if it ever happens though. I love the music I'm listening too right now--the soundtrack to Ever After (I love that movie!). Wow, my left arm is definitely starting to hurt some. I guess that's the signal for me to stop writing--¡Qué triste! The pain goes up my arm and into my shoulder...owy. Well, now it really is time to go...Ta Ta For Now (TTFN) {Tiffany Oaks taught me that one =)}

Up and beyond...

So, I think it's about time to write another post. Nathan says my posts sound like me, so that's a good thing I think. I am discovering that it is kind of difficult to type on my laptop with two arm braces on...oh-well, I'll just have to do the best that I can. I'm not really sure what to write about. Any ideas? No, well, that's okay.

Sometimes I think I'm a rather silly person. You might wonder why I say this, but I'm not sure how much proof of it I'm willing to give you. I could start with some of my theories/hypotheses/ideas. I think it is reasonable to think that there is the possibility of there being more than one universe out there, far beyond our sight. That might sound unreasonable to you, but it makes sense in my mind. Emily Olson once told me that I have "uncommon" sense rather than common sense. At times I think she is right. I do realize that the very nature of the word "universe" denotes that there is only one, but that is just because men made up the word. There is so much out there we don't know. And as I've mentioned before, sometimes I can dream pretty big--the possibility of there being more than one universe being one of those.

I love the stars and galaxies...outer space in general. That is perhaps one of the reasons why I am so attracted to the genre of science fiction/fantasy (and that is my favorite genre). I have met people who have no curiosity about space, that stars, none of that! I love pictures of space. They are so wonderful and amazing and beautiful. I'd love to do paintings based on them someday. I love Gustav Holst's The Planets--amazing music!!! I especially love Jupiter Hymn--the French Horn part is absolutely beautiful. {Note: sorry if any of you reading this are editors or grammar Nazi's, while I did minor in editing...I'm more into substantive editing rather than copyediting, plus this blog is more about just writing, without allowing things--such as making grammar mistakes--to impede the flow of writing. The goal is to just write...and to not worry about perfection.}

Do you want to know something that is mildly annoying...the limited choices when it comes to the design of blog profiles. If I knew how, I'd make my own design, unfortunately I don't know how, so I deal with the choices I've got. I actually really like design. I would love to work in the art or production department of a book publisher. I think that would be pretty awesome, but who knows where I'll end up working. I mean, I enjoy working at Day's Market, but it is hard on my body and I need a "real" job, plus I really could use benefits...aka...health insurance. I really don't know what I am going to do come Fall when I can no longer be on the BYU extended health plan. No idea. Oh well. Hopefully I'll figure something out. I have a tinsy bit more time before then. No need to worry too much. (Yes, I'm a bit of a worry wort.)

I like how when I get started writing I can often write and write on and on...unless I'm completely out of it...and then who knows what you might get. I enjoyed band in high school (this might sound like a non sequitur to you, but the thing is I'm listening to music on the "Gustav Holst" station I just created on my Pandora radio accout and yeah...) I really like the sound of band music, and I've always wondered why we don't have more bands and band music...I mean there is plenty of music by orchestra's and I do know that they include the band insturments and the music is great, but it just isn't the same thing! I also really like marching band music. But back to band music, I'd love to get ahold of recordings of the music we played in high school as done by professionals and just in general, band music (sorry if I'm not explaining all of this very well).

My goal for this evening is to not fall asleep, 'cause if I do, then I won't be able to fall asleep tonight and the cycle begins once again... So, I need to decide what else I am going to do this evening. Some thought on the matter turns up ideas like designing the cross-stiching for presents for Jenn's baby, work on typing up my journals, put things in my personal history, and of course, reading. A movie always sounds delicious, too (In recent times I have found myself misapplying words that are associated with one sense or another and it just feels right, so if I use words as I did in the sentence I just wrote, well...I figure I'm not going to fight it since it feels like the right word). The "feel" of things that I pay attention to. This is not necessarily a tactile feeling, hence the quotation marks. It is more like the feeling evoked--the feel of things.

I don't like it when I start having pain in the collar bone area. It happens rather frequently though. I try to not spend too much time concerning myself with all the various aches and pains and wierdness I feel in my body, yet it still consumes a large amount of my thoughts. I used to be better at putting such things from my mind. But getting carpal tunnel caused an awakening. Things I assumed were normal or transitory ended up being something mildly serious. (One of my friends, Camilla, once told me that I'm rather whimsical...or actually I think she was refering to my artwork...but still...I'd never thought of it that way, but I find it fits or at least feels like a word that fits me.) It is interesting to watch and see how different thoughts and turns of conversation are triggered [to avoid using the passive tense I should have writtten the previous sentence as "I find it interesting to watch and see what triggers differnt thoughts and turns of conversation."] I once worked with a girl (Brittany, it was when I worked for the BYU Conference Center Custodial) who would trace back our conversations to see how we arrived at our end result. It was rather fascinating but not something I'd generally be willing to spend my time and energy on, especially since I sometimes my memory stuggles some. But at other times I can remember lots of random things and can remember some things really well. It is one of those kind of oximoron sort of things that become difficult to explain since they seem to condradict each other. Although, it often seems to me like lots of things seem to contradict each other and then I start getting confused and people tell me I'm making things harder than they really are. The end result...well, I'm not sure what the end result is, but you're probably getting tired of this post...so I guess I shall close with...Hmmm...what's a good closing statement...if it comes to me it probably won't be until some random time and then I'll forget it, so we'll just have to go with, bland/boring/usual/random/whatever--"When you wish upon a star..."