Victory!

For some reason it seems to be pale, I don't know why, but whatever, you get the basic idea

Slightly Exhausted

Hi, I'm rather tired. However, this afternoon I had fun playing with a four-year-0ld. And while my arm now hurts and whatnot, that is okay, cause it was a lot of fun. My elbow hurts too and my arm hand was tingling/numbish. But I think it's betterish now. My doctor is going to have me start another round of the temporary medicine and then he wants me to get my SED rate tested again. I figure I'll set up an appointment with my doctor so that she can order it for me and then I can talk with her as well. Okay, so maybe my arms still are a bit numbish, but whatever.

I figure I have some things to figure out in my life--such as paying back my student loan. Such as a new job. I don't know if I've mentioned that subject before, but I think I'd like to work out some of my concerns in my mind by writing them here. So, what am I looking for in a new job--well it needs to be better pay, hopefully with benefits. As it is, come fall, even if I worked 40 hours a week at Day's I still wouldn't be earning enough money to pay my bills, so I need my income to increase. Also, I have very limited options when it comes to health insurance come fall and the best option would to be covered by my job. It would also be good if I got a job that was easier on my body--my doctors would like this and so would I. Let's define easier on my body--not too stressful (aka not editing or other demanding jobs), a job where I'm not required to stand all day (or sit all day, however it would be best if sitting was the majority, but where I get up sometimes too), and I can't think of what else. It would be good if it had a set schedule too.

Okay, that paragraph was starting to overwhelm me. What was I saying... It would be nice if I enjoy the job too. Also, because pain impairs my mental ability so I can't quite think straight, it would be nice if the job wasn't too mentally straining. Anyways. I feel like I'm getting lost in my explanation. Well, anyways, some of my concerns about going about and getting a job. Number one...my physical limitations. Now I know people can't refuse me for such reasons and whatnot, but they concern ME. Others might not see them as a problem, but they worry me a bit. Number two, how can I go get a job and then immediately start asking for time off for doctor appointments and whatever else--that does not seem responsible to me at all. Next, I'm not sure what is next...exhaustion...tiredness...etc...which makes job searching a bit of a difficulty. Especially with all the work that is entailed. Kind of what I have in my mind now is that I will continue to work toward getting a new job...slowly but surely...and hopefully the Lord will drop something in my lap later on this summer. I'm not sure I'm quite ready to give up being a part of the Day's Market community yet.

I'm hungry...I think I might buy a Little Ceaser's Pizza tonight... Right now I'm at Leading Edge:). I worked a bit on the Ward Directory. I think I like the cover I created for it. Maybe I'll see if I can upload a copy of it on here :). Well, I can't seem to get it to work, but I'll try another time. I would like to share it, 'cause I like it. And I think this is all I'm going to write for now all though there is plenty more I could write. But...whatever...we'll save all that for later...another time...

Wonderful

Sometimes I begin to think of all the wonderful things I'd like to learn. Such as photography, web design, and all sorts of other wonderful and marvelous things. I'd like to learn more about photoshop. Creativity is a wonderful thing, as well.

I've been getting quite exhausted lately. And of course I'm pretty much always tired and hurting. But that's normal. Music is also wonderful. Good books and movies, too. And friends and good conversations. I like musicals.

This is a short one, I know. But that's about all my mind can seem to get out...I did mention that I'm rather exhaustedish and that messes with my ability to think. TTFN

The Future

I hurt. I know that is nothing new but it remains to be true. So this morning I was thinking a bit about the future (aka this Fall). I've been feeling quite exhausted lately. This causes me to wonder a bit about my abilities...but at some point I need to move beyond that and find a new job...something I keep realizing is important for me to do before Fall. I'm barely making it financially as it is. When Fall hits my expenses will increase...which means I need to be bringing in more money at that point in order to have any hope of making ends meet. I had a dream last night where rent went up and so I was trying to find somewhere else to live...that is what prompted me to think about the future some more and on my current income, there is no way I'll make it. So, I need to job search and yet as of yet I am not motivated enough to go searching for a new job. Right now I have a job where I have customers and co-workers who care about me...that is going to be a bit hard to give up.

I feel kind of like my mind is rather blank...that could be caused by the tiredness and pain. Sometimes it is hard to push through life. Perhaps I just need a better attitude, as some people think. So, my friend just asked how I was doing and this was my response "I'm tired, I hurt, and I don't want to deal with life." And the wise response is "Life is never so bad that it can't get worse." So true, so true. But that doesn't necessarily make dealing life that much easier...maybe a bit. Life is what it is and I shall make it...somehow.

I like facebook and that it helps me keep in contact with my friends. I'm so tired. I wish I could just go back to sleep rather than facing a full day. Art is wonderful by the way. Anyways, life is crazy and I guess I'm pessimistic. Anyways. Life is what it is and I'll survive. Until next time.

While at work

So, today while I was at work I wrote down some thoughts that I wanted to write in here. So, here it goes. Are you sure everyone else isn't in pain all the time? Maybe only some aren't. It seems like people are often in pain or not feeling well--right? There are plenty others who have backs and heads that hurt--arms, or legs, or ankles, etc. Surely there are plenty others who are in pain all the time. On Friday I went to a massage therapist who looked at and massaged my arms. So now I wonder how much of my pain is caused because of muscles or something like that. Anyways. For the next week he wants me to each night do this thing where I put my arms in ice cold water for 30 seconds, then in warm water for 3 minutes...back and forth six times each. But, I didn't do it last night...part of my folly of last night. I wasn't so smart...I ended up spending lots of hours reading and whatnot...but it wasn't even that great of a book...but whatever...

It seems like I am generally out of it. Me duele la cabeza :(

I was going to write about other stuff but my ability to concentrate is dwindling. Tomorrow I go to that career workshop thing again...I don't want to but I will anyway. Sometimes/often I get annoyed way too easily and it seems like I don't really want to face life currently. I would much rather escape into books and whatnot. And yeah...I think that's all for tonight.

hopefully patient

So, this will probably be a rather short post since I want to watch a movie before I go to bed (in my defense, I took a nap between work and Leading Edge, so the likelihood of me falling asleep before midnight anyway is practically nil). As for the title, tonight I was thinking about how much more patient I am than I used to be. When I was a teen I coined the following phrase: "Patience is a virtue, that I haven't got." I loved that phrase, but since that time I have had many a lesson in patience and I'm sure I'll have plenty more in my life, but the point is that I a much more patient than I used to be. As for hope, well I'm sure that is something I could work on, but I think the fact that I don't give in to despair sufficient proof that I am not completely void of hope.

As is usual, I'm in lots of pain. In some ways I feel like the amount of joint pain I'm regularly experiencing is increasing. I could be wrong, but still. It is most definitely increasing in joints that didn't bother me too much before...such as my hip, and elbow, and such. But, such is my life. It is sad, but in some ways I'd like to have RA just as a way to explain all the pain I am in, not that I don't have enough diagnoses already.

Today it was once again confirmed to me that copy editing is not my calling in life, and really not something I really enjoy. I'm okay with substantive editing, but copy editing, well, yeah, not my cup of tea. I have been SO thirsty today. It is somewhat annoying. I have drunk over 150 oz. of water and still my tongue is dry and I am way thirsty. Frustration. But whatever.

Well, i should start the movie soon, but I had a bit to say and I wanted to share it. I hope you are having a wonderful day!

Life is good...more or less

Hi, so I finally found Lydia's blog :) (go facebook!). And tomorrow I'm attending a career workshop thing. I don't necessarily want to go, but I need to, so I'm going, want to or not. I'd much rather stay up late reading or such and then sleep in. Instead I get to drag myself out of bed at a way to early of an hour (8AM) and spend my entire day learning how to go about getting a job--what fun. It was a pretty day outside today.

I'm not sure that this will be that long of a post. My mind feels kind of out of it, and my arms are hurting. I tried to help my friend get her sport kite flying, and apparently my arm is taking exception to me trying to throw it up into the air--go figures. But whatever. Kites are awesome!

I went to the library today--oh how I love books! They are so wonderful. And they make me happy :), and yeah. I'm not sure how early I should try going to bed...probably around eleven, so maybe I can get in half an hour of reading before I have to start getting ready for bed. Hasta Luego, hopefully my next post will be more interesting.