When Do You Ask For Help?

Today I read an excellent blog post by a friend. Reading it prompted me to ponder a number of things, but the one I want to discuss here is asking for help. It is a topic I frequently think about. I feel like I have always had a hard time asking for help, and I hear lots of other people saying the same thing. So, I have some questions for you:

How do you decide when to ask for help?
How often do you feel it is okay to ask for help?
How much help is it okay to ask for?
What kinds of things is it okay to ask for help with?

Often when I think about these questions, I feel like I just need to find a way to make things work on my own (which just writing that sounds like completely the wrong way to look at things, and yet it is my automatic and ingrained response). I feel like I need to learn to prioritize better. And I feel like I am in constant need of help, which prompts the second question.

I also feel like I need to find ways to make it so that I do not feel in need of help as often. For the past few months, I have struggled facing doing dishes because by the time I finish washing a load of dishes, I am in a decent amount of pain. So, I bought scrubber brush that I can use to wash a dish or two when I feel up to it. This helps the dishes not pile up as fast. That is a positive solution that helps me feel less of a need to ask for help from others. However, all it takes is one cooked meal for there to be an overwhelming (to me) amount of dishes. Thinking about that then has me thinking that I just need to learn how to not be overwhelmed. But it also has me once again reflecting on when it is okay to ask for help and how often it is okay to ask for help. There is value in being self reliant, but I guess I'm not always sure where the border is between being self reliant and when it is okay to ask for help.

The comparison game also pops up in regards to asking for help. I will tell myself that there are so many others that need help much more than me. Or I will think that everyone else faces similar things, so I just need to learn how to make do like everyone else (which is an all or nothing sort of thinking).

This past week, I even got some help from family and friends. And it was so great. But then there is still so much more that weighs on me, so much more I feel needs to be done, so much more where I wonder if perhaps it would be okay if I asked for some help.

And so, my friends, I would love your input. I realize this is a balancing act that we are all likely in the process of trying to figure out, but if you have any thoughts on the subject, I would love to hear them.

Depression and Anxiety

This is a hard post for me to write. In general, I do not talk about my depression (diagnosed) and anxiety (undiagnosed). I am a bit of a perfectionist and try to put on a good front no matter how I am feeling. But, I feel compelled to write this post and feel like the Lord wants me to write and share it. So I am. I hope this post can help someone.

Before I go further, I want to emphasize that I am okay. Please do not take this post as a cry for assistance or an invitation to tell me what I need to do. Each day is a struggle, but I am getting through using methods that are working for me. 

I have struggled with depression and anxiety throughout my life. This fall, my depression and anxiety have been worse than the usually are when seasonal affective disorder hits me, even worse than last year when they were worse than usual. I have noticed thoughts that I identified in college as trigger signs that depression is hitting hard. I learned back then not to entertain those thoughts and to work to immediately throw them out. So that is what I am working to do now. I also have found the following strategies helpful:

• A happy light - I bought mine last February, and it has been a big help. While doing NaNoWriMo last month, sometimes the only way I could keep myself writing was having the light on while I wrote. 
• Prayer and Scripture study - These daily practices help me stay connected to the Lord. It may not solve everything, but it is a huge help.
• Bliss drink - A family member recently recommended this drink to me. I tried it, and it does help reduce my feelings of overwhelming stress.
• Hugs from my husband - I have heard that hugging can provide all sorts of good benefits. In my case, a hug from my husband often helps calm me down and lift my spirits.
• Hobbies - Sometime participating in hobbies, even if I do not feel like doing so at the moment, can help lift me somewhat out of a funk. I have been pushing myself this week to cross-stitch for my business, and I have found the the cross-stitch helps soothe me.
• Music - Sometimes I like listening to calming classical music, and sometimes I like listening to more peppy Broadway songs. Listening to music often helps calm me down or lift my mood.
• Essential oils - Lately I have been putting a drop of lavender oil on my temples. It helps calm me down.
• Setting things aside - Sometimes it is not worth it to try and face something, so I set it aside to face another day or time. Do somethings continually remain undone? Yes. But I feel my personal sanity is more important than getting everything done that is on my never ending to do list. 
• Checking in - Each night my husband asks how I did that day. Usually I answer with just a word or two, "pretty good" or "I did okay." However, checking in with him each night provides a safety net, and gives me a chance to evaluate how I did that day. 

I am sure there are other things that I am doing that help me, but those are what come to mind. You might wonder why I do not having counselling and medicine on my list. I have tried those before and had some good results, but mostly not as great results. I feel like I am getting by all right without them for now, so unless I feel they are absolutely necessary, I will continue on as I am. 

Dealing with depression and anxiety is not particularly fun. I often feel angry and upset. Frequently I feel like crying, and I am not one to cry. I feel lethargic. I feel overwhelmed. I feel on the brink of metaphorically falling off a cliff. I am hoping that the symptoms will ease come spring. But no matter what, I have faith that I can make it through. And I am trying each day. Below is a short poem I wrote just before writing this blog post. My hope for us all is that we can keep trying. 

Sometimes

Sometimes I feel like crying,

Sometimes I feel like dying,

But I will keep trying.

NaNoWriMo 2016: Sleeping Beauty Spin-Off

For NaNoWriMo this year, I have chosen to work on a story I've already started—my Sleeping Beauty Spin-off. I have worked on this story on and off over the last few years. Actually. the genesis for this idea came back when I was in high school. My friend Amanda and I decided to try to write a story together. That is where the seeds of this story idea began.

I have over 26,000 words written on the story so far, but there is much of the story to tell. So, I will create a new document, start from where I am, and work to get 50,000 more words written on it this November. This November is already shaping up to be quite busy, but I will do my best to reach the goal of 50,000 words written in November.

Poetry Again

I'm writing poetry again. It has been a few years since I've dabbled in poetry.

The other day I read an article in a magazine published by my church. The article talked about managing negative emotions. One of the suggestions was to find productive ways to express negative feelings. I am using poetry. I won't be dealing with just negative emotions in my poetry; however, it is cathartic to release negative emotions via poetry.

Having started writing poetry again, snippets of poems flow through my mind periodically throughout the day. Most will likely never been written down. As for the poems that do get written down, at this point I don't plan on polishing them. For now, they are a release, a way to deal with the stresses, and joys, of life.

Reading the Classics

Recently I decided to get back into reading classic books. I used to do it all the time, especially during college (since I was an English major). But I haven't read any recently. While I was in college, during the summer I would have the goal to read at least one classic book. For example, one summer I read Anna Karenina. I loved it. 

So this summer, I have set the same goal—to read at least one classic book this summer. I am currently reading Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. And I am liking it. At times it is hard to put it down. In many ways it is quite different than the books I have been reading. For example, I come across words I am unfamiliar with. I'm reading an electronic version (yay for free ebooks), so I can just tap on the screen and get the definition of the words I am unfamiliar with. It's quite handy. There are other differences, in the way the prose flows, etc. But it is a good different. I look forward to the journey of reading this book.

Note: To learn more about the bookmark in the image, you can look at this post from my other blog.

NaNoWriMo 2015 Winner

I did it. I wrote 50,000 words on Tania's gift in the month of November, and reached my goal of finishing by Thanksgiving. A lot of things got pushed to the side, a lot of reward chocolate was consumed, and the story the story took a lot of unexpected turns, but I won NaNoWriMo. The story is not finished yet. I plan to keep working on it, though I have honestly not worked on it since I won. I need to rectify that...

NaNoWriMo 2015: Tania's Gift

So, I'm doing NaNoWriMo again this year. I did it two years ago. But not last year. I was too overwhelmed with everything I had going on. I kind of wished I had once I saw friends posting the cool winners certificate. But that's okay. 

Over the past month, I have been brainstorming for this year's NaNoWriMo. It is an idea that has been sitting in my file of story ideas for quite some time. It is about a young woman who can feel what other people are feeling by touching them. A man from another kingdom comes to request that she come to his kingdom for some reason. I wracked my brains for an idea of why she was needed in the other kingdom. I finally came up with an idea, and I like it. But I'm not going to share it yet...stay tuned.

I would like to incorporate some fairy tales into my story, so if you want to help, share some ideas of fairy tales that prominently feature princes.

November is going to be one crazy month, but by the end I plan to have written 50,000 words on my story of Tania's Gift.

P.S. To warm up, I've been writing more of my Sleeping Beauty Spin-off. I'll get that finished one of these days.