Changing Years

2011 is almost here. The years continue to pass by. Things change and things stay the same. This time last year I didn't have a job, but now I do. This time last year I lived at home--that has stayed the same. This time last year I tried to index at least 100 names a week as a volunteer. I still try to index 100 names a week, but now I am a called indexer/arbitrator/administrator. Like I said...things change and things stay the same. It will be interesting to see what changes this new year brings.

Happy New Year!

More Book Giveaways

So, I still haven't gotten around to writing on here, but there are some great book giveaways going on right now and the best I've come across so far can be found at http://rachaelreneeanderson.blogspot.com/

Check it out--it's pretty awesome :)

Like Free Books?

I know I like free books. On goodreads you can join the Book Giveaways group. On iamareadernotawriter.blogspot.com there is a weekly book giveaway. Here is the link to one. http://iamareadernotawriter.blogspot.com/2010/09/giveaway-maze-runner-by-james-dashner.html

I know I haven't written lately. Life's been somewhat busy--between work and church and whatnot. But I'll try to write more often. But, I think this is all for tonight. I'm pretty tired. We started working on a big project this week, plus I haven't been getting enough sleep, plus I need to work on preparing my lesson for Relief Society on Sunday.

Hasta Luego.

Balance

I just wanted to write something short today. Lately I've been trying to work on writing (hence the two new Melly stories). I've been setting goals--I reached my goal for July. The goal I set for August is a bit daunting and I'm not sure if I'll make it, but I'm going to try. I enjoy writing, even when I don't feel that what I right is all that great. Right now I'm concentrating on just writing--getting things written even though they are very rough. Once I get more written, I plan to spend time revising as well. I also want to set goals to work on transcribing what I've recorded with my digital voice recorder. To help me reach all these goals I'm setting rewards--those especially help me when I'm tired and just don't feel like doing anything.

I love reading. I've started re-reading the Angel series (by Dan Yates). I love those books. At work I am also getting to learn about book marketing. I'm not getting a ton of guidance, but hopefully I'll be able to help market them. I recently read the one that just came out--Patchwork: Pieces of Appalachia by Lena McNicholas. I really enjoyed it, and so I hope I can market it well. I'm trying. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing that great of job. But sometimes there are successes. Those make me happy. I just have to remember to be persistent. And to follow up and follow up and follow up.

I'm also trying to figure out what to do about my health, yet mostly just want to try and ignore it. I went to an alternative medicine person this week. I wasn't a big fan. I don't know if it was the person, the plan or what, but in short, I'm not a big fan. I'm also trying to get a rheumatologist appointment. That's not working out too well and I sometimes wonder if I even need to or want to go. I certainly don't want to take off work to do so. Having health problems carries its own stigma and considering the person who had my job before me had to leave because of health problems I don't want to make it seem like the same. Not that I have MS like they found out she does (which is much, much worse than what I have to deal with). But as I was using spider killer spray the other day a co-worker told me to be careful--my chair is cursed, seeing as how people who sit there develop health problems. Anyway.

I have lots of things I want and need to get done. It's hard to find a balance in life but maybe someday I will. A balance in and with everything. That is one thing I didn't particularly like about that alternative medicine person's approach--it is such an unbalanced and extreme way to live. But whatever. Maybe someday it won't seem so extreme to me. Though I don't know that I would ever want to completely give up sugar. Besides, someone I trust once said that she'd tried not eating sugar and had found that balance and moderation in all things is the better course. I tend to listen better and more to people I trust. Ta Ta For Now :)

A Melly Story: Changing Seasons

Melly and her mother hung wet clothes on the rope Grandpa had tied between two trees. Each week they would take the clothes to the river and scrub them clean. Then they'd return to the house and hang them on the line and let them dry in the summer heat. When it became cold and wet out, they dried them in front of the fire. This summer day was quite hot. Melly wiped sweat from her face as they worked.

"Why does it get so hot in the summer and stay cold in the winter?" she asked her mother.

"It is caused by the changing seasons," her mother replied. "You know that."

"But why do the seasons change?" Melly asked.

"That is a good question," her mother replied. "Tonight, why don't you ask Grandpa to tell the story of the little brown fairy. It was my favorite as a girl and I think it will help answer your question."

"Alright," Melly agreed. She couldn't wait for the evening to come, but there were still other chores and many hours before then. Having something to look forward to would help pass the time.

That evening, Grandpa sat on his favorite brown chair that stood next to the fireplace. Melly sat down on the stool next to him.

"Grandpa," she said looking up at him, "Will you tell me the story of the Little Brown Fairy."

"The Story of the Little Brown Fairy, eh?" He looked up with a twinkle in his eye at her mother, who was cleaning of the table. "Well, all right child, here it is. Once upon a time there lived a little brown fairy. She tried her hardest to help with all the fairy tasks, but her small size often made it impossible for her to do them. One day she sat on a mushroom out in the forest. Tears pooled in her eyes as she thought about all the things she could not do. She couldn't stack the acorns, she couldn't wash the dye tubs, she couldn't lift the baby birds. She couldn't even carry a tray of fairy treats. She felt useless. As she sat there another fairy, a blue fairy, came up to her. 'Why are you so glum?' the blue fairy asked. The little brown fairy explained about all the things she couldn't do because of her size."

"Grandpa," Melly interrupted. I like this story, but what does it have to do with seasons?"

"Patience, my child," he replied. "Patience."

"Melly," her mother remonstrated. "You know it's not polite to interrupt."

"Sorry," Melly said to her mother. "Sorry, Grandpa."

"You're forgiven," he replied. "Would you like me to continue the story? Or do you want to go to bed," he teased

"Continue the story please," Melly replied.

"Well, what do you think the blue fairy said when the little brown fairy told her all the things she couldn't do?" he paused. "She said, 'I'm sure there are plenty of things you can do, probably even things bigger fairies like me can't do.' This thought helped cheer up the little brown fairy. But what were the things she could do? She and the blue fairy sat trying to thing about what the little brown fairy could do. As they sat the shadows began to lengthen. They decided to think about it overnight and meet at the same mushroom the next day at noon to discuss their ideas. So, they went their separate ways. The blue fairy to her home near the river and the little brown fairy to her hut at the base of a beautiful silver maple. That night she listened as the wind rustled through the leaves. She thought about all the different fairy jobs. Some gathered seeds, some planted seeds, some painted leaves, other cleaned the forest floor. Some cooked delicious food, others built beautiful homes. Some worked with water, others with sunshine. The Little Brown fairy fell asleep considering what job might be perfect for her."

"I didn't know fairies did so many things," Melly said.

"There are many things they do," her grandfather agreed. "But do you know what their most important job is?"

Melly shook her head.

"They help change the seasons," he replied.

"But why are there seasons?" Melly asked.

"Wait and you'll see," Grandpa replied. "Well, the next day the two fairies met back at the mushroom. 'Did you think of anything' the blue fairy asked. The little brown fairy shook her head 'no.' 'Well, I did.' The blue fairy was positively bouncing. 'What?' the little brown fairy asked. 'You can help direct the changing of seasons!' the blue fairy replied. 'How would I do that?' the little brown fairy asked. 'It's really quite perfect,' the blue fairy continued. 'But what would I do?' The little brown fairy had not heard of this job before. This time the blue fairy heard her. 'Haven't you heard of the season changers?' the blue fairy asked. The little brown fairy shook her head 'no.' 'Oh. Well, you know how the seasons change every few months?' The little brown fairy nodded. 'Well, fairy's direct the changing of seasons. They make sure the sun warms the plants, the rain nourishes them and helps them grow during the warm months. But, they keep track of when it's time for the plants to die or sleep. Plants need time to rest, you know. And the changing of seasons gives them that chance. Plus it adds variety to life."

"Oh I see," Melly said. "Know I understand why seasons change."

"Yes," her grandfather nodded. "But are tale is not yet finished."

"Please keep telling it," Melly said.

"Well, after the the blue fairy had explained all about the changing of the seasons, the little brown fairy still wasn't sure what she'd do to help direct the changing of the seasons. She told the blue fairy so. 'Oh, it's quite obvious,' the blue fairy said. 'You could tell the plants when it's time to go to sleep for the winter. Since you're brown and small you could easily flit to many of the plants without being seen by a predator. You could whisper to each of them when it was time to grow and when it was time to sleep. It's perfect!' The little brown fairy was still dubious, but willing to give it a try. The blue fairy explained that her cousin helped direct the changing of the seasons--her cousin warned the water when it would get cold, let it know that soon it would freeze. The water appreciated being given time to prepare for such changes. Once again the shadows were lengthening, so they decided to once again meet at the mushroom the next day and the blue fairy would take the little brown fairy to meet her cousin."

"I wonder if she'll like helping direct the change of the seasons," Melly said.

"Time will tell," Grandpa replied. "The next day they met at the mushroom then went to visit the blue fairy's cousin. 'Why you are absolutely tiny!' the cousin exclaimed when she saw the little brown fairy. The little brown fairy blushed. 'Certainly,' the blue fairy said. 'and that makes her perfect to help direct the changing of seasons.' 'What's that?' her cousin asked, looking away from the little brown fairy. The blue fairy explained her idea for the little brown fairy. Her cousin looked at the little brown fairy and considered this. 'Yes, I think you might be right. Why don't I introduce her to the Changer.' 'Um,' the little brown fairy timidly asked, 'who is the Changer?' 'The Changer is the fairy that communes with the earth and knows when the seasons should change. Come, I'll take you to him.' The cousin grabbed the little brown fairy's hand and set off. The blue fairy followed behind.

"When they reached the tree where the Changer lived and worked they stopped. The cousin admonished the little brown fairy to treat him with all the respect and honor he deserved. The little brown fairy nodded, eyes wide. A beautiful orange fairy showed them in to his study. The cousin introduced the little brown fairy and the blue fairy to him and explained why they were there. He asked the little brown fairy to come closer. He looked at her for so long that she tried to look away, but he directed her eyes back to his. Finally he nodded. 'Yes, I believe she will do,' he said. 'Do you want this job,' he asked her. 'I'm not sure,' she replied honestly. 'I'm so small and I want to do something, and it does sound like something I might enjoy.' He nodded. 'Yes. I believe you will enjoy this job. And your size will be just fine for this. Maybe we can send you to places where bigger fairies cannot get. Yes. I do believe you are perfect for this job.' The little brown fairy smiled at this. 'Oh thank you!' I will do my very best!' she said. 'I'm sure you will,' he replied. 'But now I must get back to my work,' he said. 'Make sure you get added to the roster as you leave.' She nodded and they left. Once they were back outside the blue fairy said, 'I knew it! The perfect job for you.' The little brown fairy smiled. 'Yes, I think it will be. Thank you! I'm so glad I met you.' "

"Did she like her job?" Melly asked.

"Yes, indeed she did," Grandpa replied. "She loved it and did a marvelous job at it, too."

Melly turned to her mother. "I'm glad you told me to ask Grandpa to tell me this story."

"I'm glad you liked it, dear," her mother replied. "But now it's late and time for bed."

"All right," Melly said reluctantly. She stood and stretched and yawned. She gave Grandpa a hug and thanked him for the story. Then she went and gave her mother a kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," they echoed as she climbed up the stairs to her attic room, where she would dream of fairies the whole night through.

A Melly Story: Don't count your eggs before they hatch

It's was a beautiful spring day and market day. Melly loved market day--going to town, seeing all the houses and stores and merchandise. Her mother handed her a basket of eggs to carry and they started off. They had gathered lots of eggs and Melly was sure that they would get a good price for them. Maybe they could buy a new ribbon for her hair. She smiled and began to skip, humming a tune as she went.

"Be careful, Melly," her mother called out.

"Okay," she replied and she stopped skipping and tried to walk carefully along the dirt road. "I bet we will get a good price for these eggs. Can we buy a new ribbon for my hair?" she asked.

"If we get a good price for the eggs." Melly had started skipping again at the thought of getting a new hair ribbon. "But if you keep skipping we may not getting any price at all," her mother added.

"Oh right," Melly slowed her pace again.

"Remember what they say," her mother said, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."

Melly wrinkled her nose. "Why do they say that?"

"Well, because sometimes you expect something to work out one way--such as all your eggs hatching or getting a new hair ribbon--but it doesn't always work out that way--like not all the eggs hatching or people not needing eggs in town making a new ribbon an impossible purchase."

"Oh," Melly replied. She thought for a moment and said, "Or if I trip and break the eggs then we'd get no price at all, and then I'd be expecting something and then it really wouldn't happen."

"That's right," her mother replied.

They continued on to the village, Melly being as careful as she could with the eggs. At the market they did get a good price for the eggs and they were able to buy a beautiful green ribbon for Melly's hair. That night, after they returned home from the market Melly was telling her grandfather about the day's adventures.

"And I was skipping along and Mother told me to be careful and to not count my eggs before they hatched."

"Ah, wise advice," her grandfather replied.

"Yes, and I was careful then and didn't break a single egg and we got a good price at the market and I got a new ribbon. It's green," she turned around so he could see her new ribbon.

"And a beautiful ribbon it is," he replied. "Would you like to tell you a story," he asked before she could say anything more.

"Oh, yes!" Melly loved listening to her grandfather's stories.

"Once upon a time," he began, "There lived a king with twelve young daughters. He loved everyone of them and was sure each would make a brilliant match someday with princes from all over the world. He would spend hours looking at his map and thinking about which alliances would strengthen his kingdom the most, for he was sure his daughters could capture the attention of any prince. So he planned and he hoped as his daughters grew. His wife, the queen, would shake her head when she saw him studying the map. She too believed her daughters could make excellent matches, but she was more interested in their happiness than in alliances, though she was not against alliances either."

"He was counting his chickens before they hatched, wasn't he?" Melly asked.

"Yes, he was," her grandfather replied. "But he hadn't realized that yet. When his oldest daughter reached the age when it was appropriate to begin the courting process, he began inviting princes from all over the world to come and meet her. There were tall princes and short princes, old princes and young princes, smart princes and silly princes, brave princes and fearful princes, princes of all kinds and varieties. The eldest princess, Princess Mary Anne, met them all, was gracious to all, even the ones who she didn't think much of. She met them all, yet none of them seemed to capture her attention. Her father would tell her of the good points of this prince, and the good points of that prince."

"But she didn't care cause she didn't love any one of them, right?" Melly asked.

"Right you are," her grandfather replied, patting her cheek, "Right you are. None of those princes caught her fancy in the least. Oh, some of them were well enough, but none of them seemed to fit her dreams of someone who she could be herself with. Her mother saw this, but her father was desperate for her to make a good match, an excellent match, an alliance that would strengthen the safety and position of his kingdom--for a king rarely declares war if their children are married."

"I guess that's a good reason for wanting her to marry a prince," Melly said, "but what if she falls in love with a man who is not a prince."

Her grandfather smiled. "Well, my poppet, that is exactly what she did. A handsome and brave soldier to be exact. He had come to the castle after having served his country for several years. He had an ambition to become a king's counselor. Now most soldiers don't become counselors to the king, but this young soldier had seen much of the world and of war in his short life and he thought the king could use someone to counsel him about such matters. So he went to the castle to look for a job, hoping by his hard work to move up in the ranks until he could someday counsel the king.

"At the castle he got a job as a clerk. He didn't particularly like being stuck inside all day, but it seemed the best way to work towards his goal. When he could, he would escape into the gardens to explore and enjoy being outside. That is where he met the princess. He came across her as she sat on a bench near a fountain of water. He apologized for intruding and turned to go, when she called him back.

"'Who are you?' she asked.

"'I am a clerk in the castle,' he replied.

"'You don't look like other clerks I've met,' she replied. He seemed strong and robust. Most of the clerks she'd met were wan from hours indoors and lack of exercise.

"He didn't know what to say to her observation and was sure he shouldn't be talking to a princess. Good behavior led to advancement and talking with princesses was usually forbidden. 'As you say,' he replied, 'I will leave you to your ponderings.'

"And pondering was exactly what she'd been doing. She'd been pondering the many princes she'd met and how they didn't quite fit what she wanted in a husband. She was intrigued by this clerk, not only in his unclerklike bearing, but also in his observation. 'Wait,' she called.

"Again he stopped from leaving and turned to her. His eyes held the question he did not ask. Why did she keep calling him back. She was not ready to answer that question. She realized he ought to go. She knew her father would not like him talking with her. 'What is your name?' she asked.

"'Steven,' he replied. 'May I go.'

"She nodded. 'My name is Mary Anne.'

"He nodded and left. For the rest of the day Mary Anne thought about the clerk she met and wondered how she could manage to speak with him again. At supper she hardly heard her father's praise of the several princes who had recently visited. Her observant mother noted her preoccupation but did not call attention to it. Her mother was content to wait and see if her daughter would confide in her. She felt sure some man had turned her daughters head, but not one of the silly princes her husband continually extolled."

"I her mother," Melly said.

"Yes," her grandfather agreed. "The queen was a very good woman. But Mary Anne didn't confide in her immediately. Instead she started spending more time in the gardens, she would even take her embroidery into the gardens hoping to see Steven again. And then one day she did see him again. He sat under a willow tree eating an apple.

"'Hello, Steven,' she said.

"He startled, he had not heard her approach, being caught up in his own thoughts, of her actually. He swallowed the bite of apple he'd been chewing on. 'Hello princess,' he replied as nonchalantly as he could.' He stood as was appropriate to do in the presence of royalty.

"'Oh, please sit back down,' she replied, and she sat down too. He shifted uncomfortably. 'Sit.'

"He sat, though he was still uncertain. It was one thing to dream about speaking with the princess again, another to actually sit with her.

"'How do you enjoy being a clerk,' she asked.

"'Fine,' he replied.

"He wasn't making this easy for her. She wanted to get to know him, but how could she draw him out? 'Have you always been a clerk,' she asked.

"'No,' he replied."

"Why doesn't he say more?" Melly demanded.

"Well," her grandfather said, "He is a commoner and she a princess. He is probably worried about the proprieties. While he aspires to being a king's counselor, he has never spoken with a princess before. Besides, he likes the princess and he doesn't see how he a mere clerk could manage to be friends with her, a princess. May I continue with the story?"

"I guess, but I wish he'd say more," Melly said.

Her grandfather smiled. "Now where was, I, oh yes.

"'What were you before you were a clerk,' she princess asked.

"He hesitated. It would be rude to not answer the princess's question but he wasn't sure he wanted to tell her. He sighed, then said, 'A soldier.'

"'A soldier!' That explained his hearty looks. 'But if you were a soldier, why did you become a clerk?'

"He sighed again. He was sure she'd keep questioning him, and he truly enjoyed her company. He just had to hope no one came across them speaking. 'I felt it would be the best job to help me achieve my goals.'

"'Oh," she replied. She wondered what his goal was but didn't have enough courage to ask.

"'Do you like being a clerk?' she asked, repeating her earlier question. He hesitated. 'Please tell me,' she asked.

"He looked up and seeing the pleading in her eyes he couldn't refuse. 'Parts I like and parts I don't like,' he answered truthfully. 'I enjoy learning new things, but much of what we copy is tedious. And,' he added, 'I miss being out of doors.'

"She smiled. She was glad he'd answered her. They talked for a little longer about his job and about what she did with her time. She noted his interest when she mentioned her father and his daily rants about the state of the kingdom. She wondered what his goal was. Maybe next time they met, and she was sure they would meet again, he would tell her, maybe by then she'd have enough courage to ask. Soon, he looked at the position of the sun and asked to be excused. She knew he had responsibilities and she didn't want to get him in trouble, so she let him leave.

"That night she told her mother about the wonderful clerk/ex-soldier she'd met in the castle gardens. The twinkle in her eye pleased her mother immensely, but her mother worried a little about what the king would think. She knew they would have to tread carefully, and that it was possible that nothing would happen with her daughter and this clerk/ex-soldier, but the twinkle in her daughter's eye seemed to foretell a story of its own."

Melly yawned.

"You're getting tired, aren't you?" her grandfather asked.

"Yes," Melly nodded, "But I want you to finish the story."

"All right," he said. "Well, Steven and Mary Anne continued to meet in the gardens. He still didn't tell her his goal, but they got to know each other--their likes and dislikes. Each time they met it was harder to leave to go to their separate lives. As time went on Mary Anne's sister just younger than her, Penelope, came of courting age and the king invited all the princes back again. Hoping that both Mary Anne and Penelope would pick one. He even invited princes from even further away--even a prince from a small island in an ocean far away. A prince that an alliance with would help them very little, but the king was becoming a bit desperate when it came to Mary Anne, who had not shown a preference for any prince he'd introduced her to. Maybe a more exotic prince would strike her fancy. The prince from the small island came, prince Taymour was his name. Mary Anne did not fall for him, though he was nice enough. Penelope did. The king was not particularly happy about this circumstance. He'd hoped Penelope might choose Prince Gerant from a large neighboring kingdom, or Prince Hubert from a rich kingdom nearby. But it was not to be. Penelope loved Prince Taymour, and he loved her. His exotically dark skin made him stand out from the other princes. His calm and relaxed manner endeared him to Princess Penelope. The king sighed and sighed as he looked at his map. A small island nation. Well, he supposed it would have to do. But what to do about his eldest daughter who had not chosen a prince yet. It was all well and good that his second daughter had chosen a prince to wed, but tradition required that the eldest must marry before her younger sisters."

"What a silly tradition," Melly said.

"Yes, it does seem silly to us doesn't it. But in many p;aces and many times such the tradition had been," grandfather said. "So, this being the tradition, the king began to pressure Mary Anne all the more to make a match. But in her heart, Mary Anne knew she wanted Steven, the clerk/ex-soldier not some prince. Since they'd met Steven had moved from under clerk to assistant clerk. His promotion thrilled her and filled her with joy for she knew it helped him get closer to achieving his goal. Yet, she wished she knew his dream. What led him to pursue this profession.

"Steven wanted to tell Mary Anne his dream, but felt it would sound silly to her. And as time went on his dream of becoming a counselor to the king, while still there, began to be overshadowed by a dream that seemed unattainable--he dreamed of marrying Mary Anne. He'd stopped calling her princess at her repeated request, though a small part of him feared someone would overhear him calling her by her given name and then all his dreams would be for naught for surely he'd find himself in the dungeon for such an offense.

"Mary Anne told Steven of her delight at her sister's and Prince Taymour's love. She didn't tell him of the pressure her father was putting on her to choose a husband from among the many princes he'd presented to her. Steven, however knew of the tradition and could guess at the pressure from her father and see the strain in her eyes. He wished she weren't a princess then he'd marry her as soon as he could. But the fact remained that she was a princess, and he a mere clerk."

"I think he should marry her anyway," Melly said defiantly.

"Yes," grandfather agreed. "And the queen felt the same way. One day she called Mary Anne to her room. They embroidered in silence for awhile, then the queen asked Mary Anne about Steven and how he was doing. Mary Anne enthusiastically told her about his promotion and about a new trick he'd taught her the day before--how to make a whistling sound with a blade of grass. The queen could see Mary Anne's love for Steven. 'Perhaps it is time to tell your father about Steven,' she suggested. "

"Mary Anne looked aghast. 'Father would not like to hear that I spend my time with one of his clerks!'

"'Perhaps I can be there with you. Why don't we ask him to come see us now?'

"Such a course of action frightened Mary Anne. She didn't know what her father would do and she didn't want to ruin Steven's chances to achieve his dream--which she still didn't know what was. It saddened her a bit that he wouldn't tell her his goal, but she felt sure he had reasons he felt were good ones for not telling her. 'Oh, Mother!' Mary Anne said. 'He would do something terrible to Steven, force him to leave the palace if nothing else.' Tears began streaming down her face. 'I couldn't do that to him.'

"The queen's heart ached at the sight of her daughter's tears. She knew, though Mary Anne had not confessed it, that love blossomed between Mary Anne and Steven. Though she only knew him through her daughters descriptions, she was sure he would make a perfect husband for her daughter, even if he wasn't of noble birth. He was a gentleman and noble of heart. What could she do to help them? And dear Penelope, she too wanted to be united with her love, something tradition would not allow until Mary Anne was wed, though a double wedding might just be the thing. Yes. Now to find a way to convince her husband, and Mary Anne and Steven, that a wedding between those young lovers was desirous and possible.

"The next day, Mary Anne was once again in her mother's chambers embroidering. The king found them there. 'I have waited long enough. You must choose a prince to marry!' he demanded.

"'She doesn't have to choose a prince,' the queen replied.

"'Of course she has to choose a prince,' the king responded. 'Penelope wants to marry that island prince and she can't until Mary Anne weds a prince.'

"'Mary Anne must wed,' the queen agreed, 'but it doesn't have to be to a prince.'

"'Nonsense,' the king replied. 'Of course she has to marry a prince, who else would she marry.'

"Mary Anne held her breath as she listened to the exchange between her parents. Could her mother convince her father that she need not marry a prince?

"'She could marry a soldier,' the queen suggested.

"The king snorted a most unkinglike snort. 'Hah, what kind of alliance would that be. She couldn't marry a soldier.'

"'She could marry a clerk,' the queen said.

"'Why would she want to marry a measly clerk," the king asked, 'when she could marry a prince?'

"'You do want your daughters to be happy, don't you,' the queen asked.

"'Of course,' the king replied. 'And a prince for each will make them happy.'

"'Maybe a prince will do for some of them,' the queen said, 'but I don't think a prince will work for all of them.'

"'Hmm.' The king pondered his wife's words. He did want his girls to be happy--he did love them very much. But he was realizing that to make his daughters happy he might have to give up his dreams of grand and wonderful alliances. He sighed. He already had one daughter who wanted to make an alliance that was far from grand and wonderful. He wondered what his dear wife was hinting at, but decided he would be wise to listen to her words. 'So not all my daughters will be happy marrying princes, eh? Maybe a clerk or soldier instead.' He sighed again. Then turned to his eldest daughter. He saw hope and fear warring in her eyes. 'Are you in love with someone?'

"She nodded her head.

"'Is he a prince?' He could hope.

"She shook her head.

"'And just what is this man you've fallen in love with,' he thought about his wife's words. 'A soldier, perhaps. Or maybe a clerk.'

"Mary Anne hesitated, looking toward her mother. He sighed. 'Tell me about this man you love,' he encouraged.

"Mary Anne smiled, 'He is wonderful! He is noble and brave. He is kind and patient.'

"The king saw the light is Mary Anne's eyes. 'I would like to meet this paragon, but first, I promise,' he glanced to his wife and she nodded, 'I promise you may marry him be he the lowest of commoners.'

"'Truly?' Mary Anne asked.

"'Truly,' the king replied. 'Now may I know who had captured your heart?'

"'His name is Steven,' she said.

"'Not Prince Steven of Gattelia,' he joked. Prince Steven was old and interested only in his flying friends--his birds.

"'No, not Prince Steven,' she replied. 'Steven the assistant clerk. Steven the ex-soldier.'

"'He works in the castle?' the king asked. Mary Anne nodded. The King went to the door and asked a page to fetch Steven. When he turned back to the room he saw his wife's approving smile. Well, his oldest daughters may not be making glorious matches, but hopefully they would be happy. And who knew, maybe some of his younger daughters would make glorious matches."

Melly laughed. "I'm glad he is going to let Steven and Mary Anne marry."

"Yes, a good thing indeed," grandfather replied. "Steven was worried though when he told the king had requested his presence. He felt sure the king had found out about his friendship with Mary Anne and send him to the dungeon. When he entered the room he'd been led to, he was surprised to see not only the king but also the queen. Mary Anne was smiling. Maybe he wouldn't be going to prison after all. 'You are Steven?' the king asked.

"'Yes,' Steven replied.

"'Do you love my daughter?'

"Steven looked toward Mary Anne. He couldn't refuse to answer the king, though he'd never told Mary Anne of his love, so he looked at her as he said, 'Yes, I love your daughter.'

"'Good,' the king said.

"That brought Steven's eyes back to the king. He'd not expected such a response. And what followed did nothing to lessen his surprise. He was informed that he had permission to marry Mary Anne. The queen added her idea of a double wedding with Penelope and Prince Taymour. Steven was astounded. He was not to be sent to prison, he was to marry a princess, and to become part of the royal family. He couldn't take it all in and just wanted some private time with Mary Anne. Eventually they were allowed to leave and they went to the willow tree where their friendship began. They discussed all that had happened. Steven asked her if she truly wanted to marry him and she reassured him that she truly did. She told of her discussion with her father before Steven had come and he told her of his fears when he had been called to see the king.

"Eventually Mary Anne asked, 'Since we are to be married, do you think that maybe you could tell me your dream, the goal that led you to become a clerk in my father's castle?'

"He smiled. 'I wanted to become a counselor to the king, your father.'

"'What a wonderful dream! Though it would have taken you ages to move from clerk to king's counselor.' She smiled. 'And now you'll be better than a counselor. You'll be his son in law and he'll have to listen to you!'

"Steven laughed, 'I don't know about that, but maybe he will listen to some of my suggestions. But you know that dream has been superceded, and superceded by a dream that is coming true, the dream of marrying you.'

"She smiled at that, for that was her dream too. So they were married, and Penelope and Taymour, too. In time all the king's daughters married. Some to princes, some to noblemen, and one other, like Mary Anne, married a commoner, though hers was a stable hand. In the end the king loved all his son-in-laws and came to respect all of them. The eggs had not hatched as he'd hoped, but perhaps that was for the best. The end."

Melly sighed, "I love stories."

"Be that as it may," her mother said. "It's now time for bed."

"All right," Melly said, "But tonight I'm going to dream of princesses and eggs!"

Nostalgia

Nostalgia. Memories. What could of been, what was, what is, and what might be.

Today I attended the high school graduation of one of my younger brothers. It took place in the same place I graduated. Many of the same teachers there. Familiar faces. Etc.

Tonight as I worked on the computer I listened to my "Bing Crosby" station on Pandora Radio. I love those old-time songs, and the lyrical voices of singers like Bing, Billie Holiday, Frank Sinatra, Fred Astaire, Ella Fitzgerald, Nat King Cole, and so many more with classic songs like "When You Wish Upon A Star," "It Had to Be You," and "The Very Thought of You."

Living at home also brings back memories. Living in my hometown brings back memories. And remembering leads me to ponder what my future will be. At this point I have no clue whatsoever. Not really. And I guess that's okay. For now. For always? I'm not sure. Uncertainty and a sort of limbo are okay for a time, but I'd like a direction. Maybe I have direction and don't realize is. Who knows. Time will tell the tale...

Well, it's getting late and I've got church in the morning. I want to try to write more often. Hopefully I shall. Until next time...

To Editors and Agents

So, I just read a tweet that says to not write crazy stuff on your blog because editors and agents will google you. Someone at the Orson Scott Card Roads to Writing Workshop said something similar. And it makes me wonder. Am I writing crazy stuff on my blog that would cause editors or agents to turn away from me. Honestly, the biggest worry I would have if an editor or agent looked at my blog would be the standard of writing. I don't go back and edit my blogs I just free-write. If I were smart, I guess, I would labor over them and edit them and make sure they were perfection before I posted them--but if I tried to do such I would never end up posting anything. So, to any editors and agents who may someday read this blog--just know that this is free-writing and not a polished gem.

RIP My Computer

I think my computer/laptop is completely dead. Or at least it won't turn on despite the fact that it has an almost full battery. I was using it and it simply died on me. I knew it was coming, but I thought I still had more time. I've been using it less, since I do have this--Samuel's computer--on loan for a few months--at least until Alan enters college. However, it makes me so sad that my computer is dead. Besides, it's a mac and there are things I can do on it that I can't figure out how to do on a pc. For example, making a pdf of this blog post. Easy as pie on a mac, but impossibly difficult for me to figure out how to do on this computer. I may sound silly, but it really does make me sad that my computer died. I copied everything off of it a couple weeks ago since it was really worrying me, but oh how sad it makes me to say good-bye to it. It's been a good friend to me. Maybe someday I'll own a new computer, but I don't have the means to buy one and I only got the one I had 'cause Nathan bought a new computer and gave me his old laptop.

At least I had it for a year. And I just realized what I did lose--all of my numerous internet bookmarks. Oh well, se la vi. That's what I get for relying on my computer to remember things for me. Whatever. I'm silly and it's late. I should go to bed and continue mourning the loss of my computer tomorrow.

RIP Computer--you served me well.

Books, authors, and writing

You want to know someone else who has awesome blog posts--Mettie Ivie Harrison (http://metteharrison.livejournal.com/).

You want to know a really good book--Wings by Aprilynne Pike. I heard her talk about it at last year's LTUE (Life, the Universe, and Everything Sci-fi/fantasy symposium at BYU) and have wanted to read it since then. So, when I saw it at the library yesterday I checked it out and started reading it--way good. Definitely a book I want to own. I also want to buy the books in Shannon Hale's Bayern series. I just finished re-reading them. They are stellar books. They are good examples of good writing.

Today I went to an Orson Scott Card writing workshop--Roads to Writing (note: I was so tired this morning that when I first wrote it down in my notebook I wrote "roads into riding" LOL). I enjoyed the workshop. The authors there (Card, Brandon Mull, Aaron Johnston, and Edmund R. Schubert) gave lots of good advice. But now comes the real test--doing it. That is, of course, my biggest challenge. Just doing it. Just write! That is what I need to do. I really liked Aaron Johnston's presentation on finding time to write. You really do have to make the time. And to do it even when you're exhausted, tired, hurting, etc.

So...go write!

Sometimes, somewhat, a hypochondriac

I often worry too much about life and the many things life is made of. I feel quite socially awkward, I stress over making good decisions, and own a decided streak of perfectionism. My abundance of worry often leads me to feel as though I am a hypochondriac.And perhaps I am a hypochondriac...

I think, for a time, I did not worry so much--I knew I had fibromyalgia and arthritis and felt like I had an idea of a direction to go in. Then carpal tunnel hit, which threw me for quite the loop. And now as my arms hurt more and more, I worry. The silliest worry I have involves wondering what will show up next or what is already there but still unknown. Complete and utter nonsense.

I'll admit, regarding my health lately, I've tried to take the ostrich approach--keep your head in the sand and hope for the best. But, like I said, my arms keep hurting more and more. Plus, my digestive system continues to dislike me, having stayed unsettled for a month now. Part of my brain reasons that it is simply the result of going off an SSRI. The other part of my brain worries that something else could be wrong with me--most prominately celiac disease (sparked by the fact that the number of people I know that have it continues to grow). I certainly don't want celiac disease. Do you know how many foods have wheat in them--tons!

One thing that feeds my worry--I did not recognize I had carpal tunnel until it caused me quite a lot of pain--this resulted from the fact that I have other health problems that cause me to experience pain 24/7. Even now, if I didn't have this past year's experience with carpal tunnel, would simply think my arms hurt a lot currently.

Around and around I go. And a merry ride it is...

A Trip to the River

However did it get so late...ah well, I should have time for at least a short post. Today I went to the river--Glen Maury River. My sisters Alice and Sarah also went. We had lots of fun playing in the water, enjoying the peace of a beautiful spring day, and trying to skip rocks (I wasn't so good at that). It's been a long time since I've been to the river, but I hope to go again sometime soon. The smells, sounds, and sights all brought back memories and created new ones to remember in times to come. The cool water felt good in contrast to the warm day and very few bugs bothered us. Walking up the river with Sarah caused a song from Easter Parade to pop into my mind--"A Walk Up the Avenue." Not quite an avenue, or at least a watery avenue.

Do you know whose blog I like? Patricia C. Wrede http://pcwrede.com/blog/--she gives lots of good writing advice. This coming Saturday I'm attending a writing workshop at SVU. Orson Scott Card, Brandon Mull, and a few other others will be there. It should be good. I really need to spend more time writing. I am never going to reach my goals if I do not. (note regarding my last post: I wouldn't not get married because those things I wanted to happen before I married hadn't happened, but it is nice that two of them now have occurred:).)

I enjoyed watching General Conference this past weekend. The speakers gave wonderful talks. It's a bit daunting thinking about all the things I need to work on and improve in, but all is possible with the help of Lord and effort on my part, of course. In Institute today we reviewed some of the talks and topics from Conference. I especially liked hearing about Elder Rasband's talk from the Priesthood session. He spoke of an experience he had of observing President Eyring assign out mission calls, and encouraging him, Elder Rasband, to pay more attention to the spiritual guidance the Spirit offers. That struck me greatly. I want to strive to do just that. To diligently strive.

Did you notice the lack of "to be" verbs in this post--I diligently strove to avoid using them. Some of my sentences may sound a bit strange as a result. I am unaccustomed to striking their use from my writing, but it is a habit I hope to develop, for I do believe my writing will improve a bit as a result.

I enjoy crafts. In fact, I am cross-stitching at this very moment, in between typing thoughts to this post. Also, my brother Samuel gave me a beading loom for Christmas that I really want to try out. My older brother, Nathan and Byron, and I did some beading in our younger years. I enjoy making cards--I made one just tonight--a get well card for my grandma.

Do you ever have those times when you remember short parts of movies and a sense of the movie but can't remember the name of it? I do. One movie continues to flicker at the edges of my brain. I think Fred Astaire might star in it. And it seems like he owns a fashionable clothing store or something and pretends he doesn't, so as to give a girl privileges modeling the gowns or something. He says a madame so and so owns it. And eventually reveals that he is actually the owner. See, I remember so little. Hopefully some day I'll come across it again.

Brianne and Peter's wedding

It's late and I should go to bed, but I've been wanting to write for some time now, so I'll write, just a short post though.

One: I went to Brianne Shiraki's wedding a couple weeks back--it was amazing! It was the first time I'd been able to attend a temple sealing! Attending also fulfilled another of my wishes of things to happen before I get married--The first being, getting endowed--now related to getting married, but as an independent experience. That happened over a year ago :) and which made possible this second--attend a sealing:). I can only think of one more thing I've wanted to do before I get married and that is to get something published. This one...well, I need to work more on my writing if it is to ever happen period, so, yeah. Though, I did spend four hours this week typing in writing notes :), which are little snippets of writing. Anyway.

At Brianne's wedding and reception I took a bunch of pictures:). I'm only going to post a few here, but I posted lots more on facebook. I also had fun editing some of the pictures afterward.


I like taking wedding pictures:). I'm far from being a professional, but it's a fun hobby--photography, that is.

I have more things I'd like to write about, but it's late, so goodnight :)

Miscellany

So, I've been wanting to write a new post for awhile, but never got around to it. I've been reading posts from other blogs and I had ideas as I read them...but of course I immediately forgot them. Ah, well. Se la vi. Maybe listening to some music will help me think of what to write--but I need to keep it short since I want to try to go to bed earlier-ish.

What do you dream about and of? I dream of oh so many things. I dream of moving back to Utah. I dream of one day being married and having kids. I dream of writing books.

You know, as I look back on my life, I remember that I was once an active kid. Quite active.

I love books! I love book design. I have enjoyed volunteering for SVU's literary magazine--The Review.

Sometimes Academia really annoys me.

This year I'm trying to read a little in the Ensign every day. I am developing greater appreciation for the Ensign. I really enjoy reading in it.

That's all for the nonce.

I know it's very late...

I know it's very late, but I just wanted to write a little. I am SO grateful to have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. If I did not I would probably be in a very not happy state. I am far from prefect and have plenty of problems and issues, but the foundation of the gospel keeps me grounded. It keeps me from falling completely apart. I don't think I could make it through life without the gospel. I make mistakes--often, and am unwise, yet I wish I could share my foundation with others. I wish there was some way to help them SEE the happiness the gospel brings. Life isn't peaches and cream, but it's better than it could be.

There is much good in life. And to find it we must seek for it and be grateful for it. I am quite tired, but I wish I could do more. I want to try harder, to not let fear dictate my actions, to not become overwhelmed but to face life with courage, hope, and faith. I love the Plan of Salvation. Even though I do not know what the future may bring, I do know that Christ will always be there for me. I have many weaknesses and faults that I need to work on, but I hope that in some small measure I can touch the lives of others for good. I hope that I can see clear and true and allow love to guide my actions.

I could easily be awake when the rest of the family begins arising for the day. I hope to not be though, but while I am tired, my mind is also churning. I want to try to be a better friend. And now I'm going to go to bed.

A Melly Story: Someday My Prince Will Come

Once upon a time, in a land relatively far away, lived a young girl aged nine or ten years. Mornings found her milking the cow the provided her family with milk, afternoons found her picking wild flowers to brighten the dinner table, and evenings found her listening intently to the tales her grandfather spun as he whittled tiny figurines. Melly, as this girl was called, found happiness in her daily endeavors. One night, as she sat at her grandfather's feet she asked, " Gramps, why do so many of the people in your stories start out unhappy?"

"Well, Melly," he replied, setting down his carving tools, "They forget how to be happy or else they never learned how to be happy."

"How could they never learn to be happy?" Melly asked.

"Let me tell you a story." Gramps began whittling again. "Once there lived a princess, a very beautiful princess indeed, but she was not happy. Since the day she was born she'd received everything she asked for, everything except love. She was spoiled, it is true. Her parents bought anything desired, but never had a kind word for her. 'Why can't you be content with what you have?' her father asked. 'Try to sit up straighter,' her mother instructed, 'no prince will marry you if you don't.' Every day the princess left the dinner table feeling as though nothing she did would ever make her parents pleased with her. She tried not asking for so many things. 'Why have you not asked for anything new?' her father asked. 'We don't want the servants to think we mistreat you.' She sat up as straight as she could. 'Will you never learn how to take care of your hair?' her mother asked. 'No prince will marry you if you don't.' No matter what she tried her parents always found something wrong with what she did. She tried making friends with the servants--some refused because they disliked her for being so wealthy, other feared her parents anger that would surely follow any unservantlike behavior."

"What about other princes and princesses?" Melly asked. "Wouldn't they be friends with her?"

"I'm sure some would have," Gramps replied, "but they were never given a chance. The princess's parents wouldn't let her meet them until she showed them she would not disgrace them and no matter how she tried she never lived up to their standards. In time she stopped trying. She turned inward, concentrating only on herself. Now, we know that is not the way to happiness, now don't we?" Gramps asked.

"Momma always says 'To live only for oneself is misery, to live for others is joy untold,'" Melly replied.

"A wise woman your mother," Gramps said, winking at Melly's mother. "Unfortunately," he said returning to the story, "the princess had no one to share such wisdom with her. The years went by and she continued to be unhappy with herself and with everyone around her. She chaffed at the responsibilities given her and generally went around with a pout on her face. Eventually her sixteenth birthday arrived and the time to arrange her betrothal had arrived. While the princess dreamed of meeting a handsome and charming prince who would bring happiness and love into her life, she felt sure that if such a wonderful man did exist, her parents were sure to reject him as a possible suitor."

"I hope she finds someone to help her find happiness," Melly sighed.

Gramps smiled. "Well, Princes began to show up in response to the royal invitations sent by her parents. The first prince to come snorted like a pig when he laughed. The princess could have lived with that if he had been nice to her, but coming from an impoverished royal family he wooed her parents and ignored her. The blueness of his blood did nothing to recommend him to her and in time he left, making way for the next prince. Prince number two, as the princess called him, had no redeeming features in her mind. Vain, cruel, and heartless. Thankfully he left after a couple day stay--her looks did not compliment his he had explained. Prince number three spoke only of his horses and took offense at her lack of interest. Prince after prince came to see the princess and all went away. 'I knew you'd never find a husband!' her mother complained. 'Try to be more agreeable,' her father instructed. The princess went to her room. Why can't there just be one kind and charming prince? she thought. Just one. Two years went by and the train of princes became a trickle--one might come every few months."

"How sad," Melly said.

"Sad indeed, but not as sad as you might think," Gramps said. "For as she met such selfish and self-important princes, the princess began to see more clearly. She began to realize she wanted a prince who would care for her and to do that he would first have to think of her. The princess wanted to be appreciated, and so she began thanking the servants each time they did something for her, rather than just expecting them to do it. I may not find her prince, she thought, but I can be the kind of person such a prince would desire to marry. She even took up a hobby--portrait painting. Her parents despised such an unroyal hobby, but the princess stood up to them and did it all the same. She painted her parents, the servants, even the princes who had visited her. The court painter gave her lessons at first, but in time she could dabble on her own and only went to him when she had specific questions, needed advice, or simply wanted to show him something she'd painted and particularly liked. The court painter became her mentor, and more than a mentor he became like a father to her."

"Oh! He sounds very nice," Melly exclaimed.

"He was a very nice man," her Gramps replied, "and a wise man too. Humble even. He did not let his talent and position to go to his head. And so another year, and then two went by. Prince's no longer came to meet the princess. 'An old maid!' her mother exclaimed. 'My daughter is an old maid!' It hurt to be called such, for she still felt very young, but the princess took it in stride. She would rather live an old maid and be happy with her painting than be miserably married to a prince who didn't love her. 'Who will rule this kingdom after me?' her father asked. 'Cousin Ferdinand will inherit if I don't marry. You know that,' the princess reminded him, but he just shook his head in despair."

"Does the princess ever get married?" Melly asked.

"Patience, my little one," Gramps said. "I'm getting to that. One day the princess was particularly pleased with the painting she'd completed. So, she went to find the court painter to have him come see. She could have asked a servant to find him, but she wanted to stretch after having sat for such a time. As she crossed the entrance hall she heard trumpets and wondered who could have come. It had been quite some time since any prince had come. Then, realizing she still had on her painting smock, she hurried across the hall. She safely reached the other end but paused. She decided to wait behind a pillar so that she could see who had come rather than waiting until someone came by to inform her later. Soon the grand doors opened and the Prime Minister followed behind a rather handsome young man. The princess had seen much grander and handsomer princes. She wondered who this one might be, but she stood too far away to hear what the Prime Minister said to him."

"Oo. I bet it's her prince." Melly clapped her hand, her eyes alight.

"It might be," Gramps replied. "Now settle down."

Melly sat back, folding her arms to keep from clapping.

"The Prime Minister led the young man out of the hall toward the throne room." Gramps continued. "The princess sighed, for she had seen the visitor but still did not know his name nor why he'd come. Knowing that she'd eventually find out she continued on the the room the court painter worked in. She told him about the arrival as well as her finished painting. He couldn't go with her to see it then, but promised to come by later to see it. The princess slowly wandered back to her room, still thinking on the visitor. She wondered what about him had caught her attention so. At dinner that night her parents presented her to the honorable Prince Jarold. 'A pleasure to meet you, Princess Amethyst,' Prince Jarold said as he bowed over her hand."

"Oh, Amethyst--what a lovely name!" Melly exclaimed.

"A very pretty name indeed," Gramps agreed. "But back to the story. Where did I leave off? Oh yes. Prince Jarold bowed over Amethyst's hand, and her heart fluttered in response to his breathtaking smile that lit his face and eyes. 'The pleasure is all mine,' she replied according to custom and for the first time really meant it. All throughout dinner she watched and listened to Prince Jarold. He's kind and funny, she thought. I wonder why he never came until now. She also thought that perhaps in the morning he wouldn't seem so wonderful. After all, she'd waited a long time to meet a kind and handsome prince. The week passed and another came. Amethyst still found herself intrigued by Prince Jarold and the more she got to know him, the more she liked him. She wanted to ask him why he'd not come until now, but she did not have enough courage yet to ask him. One day after discovering a dab of paint on her cheek he learned of her love of painting and insisted on seeing her works. She'd been nervous about her painting. She knew it wasn't at all courtly to do so, and she feared he'd think less of her if he found out about her hobby."

"I think painting's a wonderful hobby," Melly said.

"Yes," Gramps replied, "And Prince Jarold thought so too. He even started coming to read aloud to her as she painted. Princess Amethyst continued to wonder why he'd not come until now, but for the time felt content to simply enjoy his company. Often at night she would visit the court painter and tell him how wonderful Jarold was. He would sit and smile as she repeated once again her admiration for Jarold. After a few months had passed, Jarold told her that he needed to return to his kingdom for a time, but asked that she be his bride when he returned."

"Finally!" Melly said.

Gramps smiled. "Princess Amethyst joyfully accepted Prince Jarold's proposal and told him she had someone to introduce him too, the court painter. As they walked to meet the court painter she told how he'd become like a father to her. When they arrived the court painter greeted them. 'Hello Princess Amethyst. Hello Jerry." Amethyst looked from one to the other. Both were smiling. 'Let me explain,' the court painter said. 'When Jerry, Prince Jarold, was young I lived as the court painter in his kingdom, that was many years ago. Jerry loved to come to my studio and watch me paint. About the time Jerry turned fifteen I decided I wanted a change in my life, so I came to be the court painter here. Over the years I kept tabs on Jerry and we occasionally exchanged letters. Earlier this year I decided to see what would happen if two of my favorite people met and so I asked Jarold to come and meet you.' Amethyst turned to Jarold. 'Why didn't you come years ago?' she asked him. 'By the time you came of age I had become tired of visiting princess after princess,' he explained. 'None had ever measured up to what I wanted so instead I put my energy into other pursuits. When I received a letter from my old friend here, I had become quite lonely and decided it couldn't hurt to come meet you.' He smiled down at her. 'And I'm very glad I did," he added."

Melly sighed, putting her hands to her heart, "How romantic!"

Gramps laughed. "Yes, it was romantic, and as you may guess, they all lived happily ever after."

"And now it's off to bed for you," her mother said. "Morning comes quite quickly."

"Okay." Melly stretched and yawned. "Thank you for the story Gramps," she said then hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm sure to have good dreams tonight after such a happy story."

"I'm glad," he said and smiled gently as she walked up the ladder to her bed. The End.

I'm too tired to think of a title

So, changing or getting off of medicines is not a particularly fun experience. Different meds, obviously, cause different reactions. Currently I am getting off of a medicine that I've been taking for a few years. It has helped me a lot and I went through trial and error of a lot of other meds before I found this one. However, it is also quite expensive--especially since there is no generic. With my current insurance and financial situation there is no possible way for me to keep taking it, so I'm getting off of it. Thankfully I am living at home and don't have too many responsibilities. The ones I have are taxing enough. As I get off this med and experience the side effects, it reminds me a lot of a couple other times when I got of a similar medicine. Both were quite difficult experiences. I knew this was coming and I hope for the best. I hope I can stay positive and optimistic. I hope I can face life with courage. These are of course things I always struggle with, but I just have to try to maintain habits and fight against whatever pulls me in an opposite direction. Chemicals in my brain don't have to win.

Experiences such as these help us grow. One of my biggest worries is that I'll be callous towards others. That I'll get so wrapped up in my own world that I can't see things as they truly are, nor be sensitive to the needs of others. I haven't done the greatest in the past, but I shall try to do better in the future.

I shall also strive to have faith and hope in the future. When I moved back home a few months ago, I planned to live here for 8 months and then move back to Utah. While I would still like that, the possibility of it happening is actually rather slim. I'm beginning to accept the idea that I may not be moving back, and even seeing the good in it, the wisdom. I would love to have more faith in my ability to succeed at supporting myself, but it's really hard to do, I'm afraid. So, very hard to do. I would like to try again. But I also realize how expensive that can be, especially if I fail once again. If I could predict how my body would react, that would help. And even then I'm willing to try and push through it. I don't know. I am trying to leave my life in the Lord's hand. Doing as much as I can to plan and do things with my life and pray for His guidance.

It is late and I need to get to bed. My body can always use the rest, if rest I can get. Tomorrow's a new day, another chance. Perhaps I'll do a bit better than today. Maybe I'll at least get one thing done or worked on from my "To Do" list.

Life is good and there is much I can do with mine. I have great potential for good. I need to continually strive to overcome my fears and to reach forth my hand unto my fellow beings.

Today I drove Samuel, my brother, to Harrisonburg, and with the help of my sister Lydia we shopped for stuff for his mission. As we drove home I spent a lot of time thinking about the guy I like. He's a really great guy, which is probably part of why I like him so much.

It will be interesting to see where my life leads me.

I need a title for this post...any suggestions...

Well...Later...

PS I love InDesign! And Clipart's pretty awesome too.

The New Year is Here!

It is now a few weeks into 2010, and I am doing fairly okay with my new year's resolutions. For example, I walked home from SVU 3 times already. I know that may not seem like much exercising to you, but that is really good for me. Also, while I still haven't earned any money, I have bid on three jobs on elance.com, I may not get any of them, but I'll continue bidding on jobs. Also, have kept up on my indexing--100 names per week. I keep hopeful. I have hope for the future. Hope that I'll be able to earn money, hope that I'll be able to move back to Provo, hope that once back in Provo I'll be able to get a job. I think as far as a job goes I would like one that I can sit down at and one where I can earn enough money to support myself. Some places I've considered looking at for jobs are Nuskin, ancestry.com, Provo City, BYU if there are any jobs open.

I'm only doing so-so with trying to go to bed earlier. It's difficult for me. I've kept up on my Institute reading so far. Hopefully I can continue to stay on track. I'm also still helping with SVU's literary magazine--The Review. We need to get started on production work soon though. This evening I got some more blog mining done for Rick Walton.

I'm still working on cross-stitching Christmas presents. Hopefully people don't mind getting them late. If they do, I'll just tell them it's a New Year's or Valentine's or St. Patrick's etc present. :) Today I watched a cute movie. It is actually one I'd seen before, but forgotten. It's called "The Cowboy and the Lady." I really liked it :) I love watching movies--they make me happy.

I am also trying to be more productive. In pursuit of the goal, the other day I spent an hour typing in writing notes. Ideally I would spend a few hours every day working on writing, but I've got to start where I am and improve from there--slow though the progress may be. I'm also reading this book my dad wants me to read--The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle. It's interesting. It talks about how myelin wraps around the nerves in our brain making it so they can fire quicker and that's how we gain skills--the more we practice (the right kind of practice, mind you) the more the myelin wraps and the better we get at those skills. At least that is my understanding. Reading this book does bring some questions to my mind. For example, how does myelin work for someone who has Fibromyalgia? Does FM affect myelin at all? Since apparently everything is controlled by the nerves in our brain, what are the mechanisms that create the symptoms of Fibromyalgia? I don't expect the book to answer these questions, but it does cause me to think and to wonder.

Well, I won't regale you more on my thoughts and questions sparked by this book. I actually need to decide what I'm going to do the rest of the evening and an episode of "Remington Steele" is sounding mighty nice! I'm so glad Tiffany Draut introduced me to that show! She currently serving a mission in Brazil. I think that's way cool, but am kind of glad that it's her and not me.

Until next time~~~