I feel like I am once again heading to the point where I feel like I just can't deal with life anymore. When it all becomes too overwhelming. Luckily I do know what to do to help make it better, but wouldn't it just be all around better to not get to the point where I feel like I can't deal with life? Sometimes I feel like I'm a hypochondriac. I know that there are tons of things I can do that might make me feel better and be less prone to these bouts of depression, but for one thing I don't exactly have a ton of energy and for a second thing, I have a difficult time hoping that they will actually help me. There is much I can do in my life despite my limited capabilities. Today I went and helped my friend Kelsey, mostly I just played with her baby Lori Jane. Sometimes I wonder how I will ever make a good mother. How will I have the energy to take care of them? I am sure I will need an understanding and supportive husband. But those are the future and the now is what I must deal with. I need to figure out how to...I'm not even sure what, but I generally kind of feel like I'm falling apart. And feeling such doesn't exactly booster my confidence or hope much.
I can make it through life--with the Lord's help. I really think there is only one set of footprints in the sand for the last while in my life--maybe even the last long while. I realize that I need to work on taking better care of myself, but I also must negotiate with the realities of life and my own weaknesses. My mind can become a confusing place, especially when I'm tired. I can make it through life. I can, I can do it! I can, I will, somehow...and with the Lord's help. Maybe I just need to get better at turning to him. A friend recently suggested that I discuss all the things I'm worrying about with Him. I think it is a good suggestion. I also need to be open to the answers and willing to make changes and stuff like that. One thing I need to work on is becoming more focused on others...to look outward rather than inward. To serve others.
I like books--no, I love books, but I do need to be careful to not use them as an escape (at least not too often). Sometimes I feel kind of lonely--sill, huh? I like color too. I like painting. I like being the Art Director for Leading Edge. I like reading books. I like good movies. I like candy and food. And of course I love writing and thinking up story ideas in my head, or story fragments. I like TV and ice cream. I like Mexico, especially Puebla and Cholula. I love the rain. Don't misinterpret this--but I love dancing. I like having good friends and good conversations. I love my computer and having access to the internet at home. I love art. I love sci-fi/fantasy. I'm a hopeless romantic. I should try and go to bed early tonight. Much as I try to deny it, I do believe that my left arm is still exhibiting symptoms of carpal tunnel. I will never run out of things to do with my time...for I will always be planning and adding more. Guess I need to learn how to prioritize.
I should also eat something so that I can take my pain meds. And take a shower so I can be nice and squeaky clean. And go to bed since I have work at 9 AM tomorrow! I like music. I like facebook and how it helps keep me connected with people. I love photos! I still want to scan all of my mom's photos. I've started, but have a lot more to go. I also love family history work and have much I need and want to do in that area. Well, I could go on foreverish, but I think it's time to cut my loses short or something like that...time to get going...get something done...work towards getting myself to go to bed. Until next time...Be Happy :-)