Saturday, May 2, 2009

Books, Movies, and Music the fingers on my right hand are definitely tingling right now...and I've got a major league headache...but it's raining nice and hard which is wonderful. So, lately instead of writing in here I have been escaping into books...what can I say...Books are awesome! I'd love to escape into a book today as well, but I can't 'cause Saturdays are busy days...Leading Edge, Internship, and work. Not all books are complete escapes...since they often cause me to think, sometimes about issues in my life I am trying to ignore for the moment...ah, well... So, guess what, pain makes it more difficult to think, a problem I believe I am having right now. I also think I often don't want to confront what I may being thinking or worrying about...And I find plenty to worry about. It's no wonder I like to escape into books.

I love music. And Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire are awesome...I love their music and movies! Danny Kaye is also way awesome. And of course you can't forget people like Audrey Hepburn, Katherine Hepburn, Cary Grant, Jimmy Stewart, and the list goes on and on. I also like Drew Barrymore, Hugh Jackman, Meg Ryan, and others. There is so much good music in the world and love that Pandora can link me to so much of it. I love music! Now I'm not like some people who need it like 24/7, but I still really love and love how it can brighten my life and help me sleep and help me relax and calm down, etc.

So, sometimes uncertainty can cause stress. I think I am often unwilling to admit things I truly wish and long for, especially to others. I am much better than I used to be. I think a part of me feels like if I admit what I want it will just cause me to want it more and thus be even more disappointed when I lose the possibility of it happening or something like that. I know I didn't express that very well. I know I am generally working in abstracts rather than concretes. I know that is something I need to work on in my writing. What should I do to work on concretes...I think fiction is often an easier medium for concretes--less threatening you know. At times I can move beyond caring...but oh so many times I can't...not good, not good at all. Throw it all to the wind...fears restrain me...silly, stupid fears.

There are many things I'd like to learn how to do. One of those is web design...I know I should have taken the classes when I was at BYU, but I didn't. I just wasn't in the program. I needed to graduate. But I would like to learn. The Leading Edge website needs lots of work. It makes me sad to see it so pathetic. The older version was much, much better. I should also work just generally on my design skills. Make up projects for myself, something like that. Explore and learn. There is still so much I do not know.

Sometimes I am such a silly person. I live a lot in my brain. I know we all live in our own brains, but still... sometimes I feel like I don't have a ton of interhuman communication. Hmmm. Oh-well, I guess. Don't you just love it though when there are people you really connect with! I do. People who you feel like just understand you even without knowing you, or with knowing you. There are also various levels of connection. Any connection is good, but the higher levels are more like miracles...inexplicable and wonderful.

Well, it's time for me to get going with my day...Leading Edge, Internship, Work...

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