Saturday, May 23, 2009

The Future

I hurt. I know that is nothing new but it remains to be true. So this morning I was thinking a bit about the future (aka this Fall). I've been feeling quite exhausted lately. This causes me to wonder a bit about my abilities...but at some point I need to move beyond that and find a new job...something I keep realizing is important for me to do before Fall. I'm barely making it financially as it is. When Fall hits my expenses will increase...which means I need to be bringing in more money at that point in order to have any hope of making ends meet. I had a dream last night where rent went up and so I was trying to find somewhere else to live...that is what prompted me to think about the future some more and on my current income, there is no way I'll make it. So, I need to job search and yet as of yet I am not motivated enough to go searching for a new job. Right now I have a job where I have customers and co-workers who care about me...that is going to be a bit hard to give up.

I feel kind of like my mind is rather blank...that could be caused by the tiredness and pain. Sometimes it is hard to push through life. Perhaps I just need a better attitude, as some people think. So, my friend just asked how I was doing and this was my response "I'm tired, I hurt, and I don't want to deal with life." And the wise response is "Life is never so bad that it can't get worse." So true, so true. But that doesn't necessarily make dealing life that much easier...maybe a bit. Life is what it is and I shall make it...somehow.

I like facebook and that it helps me keep in contact with my friends. I'm so tired. I wish I could just go back to sleep rather than facing a full day. Art is wonderful by the way. Anyways, life is crazy and I guess I'm pessimistic. Anyways. Life is what it is and I'll survive. Until next time.

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