Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I'm too tired to think of a title

So, changing or getting off of medicines is not a particularly fun experience. Different meds, obviously, cause different reactions. Currently I am getting off of a medicine that I've been taking for a few years. It has helped me a lot and I went through trial and error of a lot of other meds before I found this one. However, it is also quite expensive--especially since there is no generic. With my current insurance and financial situation there is no possible way for me to keep taking it, so I'm getting off of it. Thankfully I am living at home and don't have too many responsibilities. The ones I have are taxing enough. As I get off this med and experience the side effects, it reminds me a lot of a couple other times when I got of a similar medicine. Both were quite difficult experiences. I knew this was coming and I hope for the best. I hope I can stay positive and optimistic. I hope I can face life with courage. These are of course things I always struggle with, but I just have to try to maintain habits and fight against whatever pulls me in an opposite direction. Chemicals in my brain don't have to win.

Experiences such as these help us grow. One of my biggest worries is that I'll be callous towards others. That I'll get so wrapped up in my own world that I can't see things as they truly are, nor be sensitive to the needs of others. I haven't done the greatest in the past, but I shall try to do better in the future.

I shall also strive to have faith and hope in the future. When I moved back home a few months ago, I planned to live here for 8 months and then move back to Utah. While I would still like that, the possibility of it happening is actually rather slim. I'm beginning to accept the idea that I may not be moving back, and even seeing the good in it, the wisdom. I would love to have more faith in my ability to succeed at supporting myself, but it's really hard to do, I'm afraid. So, very hard to do. I would like to try again. But I also realize how expensive that can be, especially if I fail once again. If I could predict how my body would react, that would help. And even then I'm willing to try and push through it. I don't know. I am trying to leave my life in the Lord's hand. Doing as much as I can to plan and do things with my life and pray for His guidance.

It is late and I need to get to bed. My body can always use the rest, if rest I can get. Tomorrow's a new day, another chance. Perhaps I'll do a bit better than today. Maybe I'll at least get one thing done or worked on from my "To Do" list.

Life is good and there is much I can do with mine. I have great potential for good. I need to continually strive to overcome my fears and to reach forth my hand unto my fellow beings.

Today I drove Samuel, my brother, to Harrisonburg, and with the help of my sister Lydia we shopped for stuff for his mission. As we drove home I spent a lot of time thinking about the guy I like. He's a really great guy, which is probably part of why I like him so much.

It will be interesting to see where my life leads me.

I need a title for this post...any suggestions...


PS I love InDesign! And Clipart's pretty awesome too.

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